There was a time when Australians were regarded as some of the fiercest competitors in world sport: Ian Thorpe, Shane Warne, Cathy Freeman, Pat Rafter.
asserted
Australians → be → sport
Athletes who performed under extraordinary pressure, on the biggest stages, with the world watching.
asserted
world → perform → stages
And wow, did they do us proud.
asserted
they → do → us
Now we've got a cringe-worthy kangaroo breakdancer, Raygun, and a young woman hailed by some as a hero for - and I can't believe I'm writing this - sh*tting herself during a HYROX competition in Beijing.
asserted
I → get → Beijing
Plenty, like me, are calling for 'trooper pooper' Joanna Wietzyk, a 22-year-old Australian, to be disqualified, saying it's unhygienic, unfair, and downright disgusting that others had to compete in her mess.
asserted
others → call → mess
Other athletes were expected to use equipment after she soiled it.
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she → expect → it
I mean, didn't a Delta Air Lines flight from Atlanta to Barcelona turn around mid-flight a few years ago because a passenger had explosive diarrhoea in the aisle?
asserted
passenger → mean → aisle
Surely everyone knows this.
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everyone → know → this
If an aircraft can be turned around mid-flight because of it, then picking up a dumbbell after someone's defecated on it is more than a little questionable - not to mention the stench.
asserted
someone → turn → little
As I write, HYROX co-founder Moritz Furste has apologised and promised to overhaul the rules - because, astonishingly, this now needs to be made explicit: you can no longer soil yourself and simply carry on.
asserted
you → write → yourself
How we've reached the point where this requires a rule change is baffling, and frankly, I never imagined I'd be writing a column about it.
asserted
I → reach → it
Surely everyone knows this.
asserted
everyone → know → this
If an aircraft can be turned around mid-flight because of it, then picking up a dumbbell after someone's defecated on it is more than a little questionable,' writes Amanda Goff (pictured)
asserted
Goff → turn → little
Joanna posted a selfie on Instagram, hooked up to a drip, with the caption: 'Go hard or go home, a win is a win.'
asserted
win → post → caption
And there you have it.
asserted
you → have → it
This is where our Insta-famous fitness culture has ended up – absolutely stark raving bonkers.
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culture → end → ?
Let me make myself clear: I understand accidents happen; I would never shame someone for losing control of their bowels.
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I → let → bowels
But this isn't really about the accident - it's about the bizarre rise of online amateur fitness culture, where a serious medical incident is rebranded as some sort of motivational triumph.
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incident → rebrande → triumph
When did this become healthy?
asserted
this → become → ?
This week, Sydney Sweeney is copping flak over her Just Sports ad, with critics outraged that a beautiful woman posing nude with sporting equipment is somehow setting women's sport back 50 years.
asserted
woman → cop → sport
HYROX athlete Joanna Wietrzyk sparked a storm of controversy after powering to victory in Beijing while covered in her faeces
Fans called for Joanna Wietrzyk to be disqualified from last weekend's race
Maybe it is.
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it → spark → race
Maybe female athletes - real professional athletes, not weekend warriors - have every right to be frustrated with sport being marketed through sex appeal.
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sport → have → appeal
I'm probably the last woman to judge another for being sexualised; I made a career as Samantha X out of that very thing.
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I → judge → thing
But let's be honest: at least Sydney Sweeney didn't soil herself on the gym equipment.
asserted
Sweeney → let → equipment
Women are up in arms over a woman looking sexy to promote women's sport, yet some call it 'aspirational' when an amateur competitor ignores a serious warning from her own body, soils herself, carries on, and posts from a hospital bed declaring victory.
asserted
competitor → look → victory
I teach Pilates and exercise has always been important to me.
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exercise → teach → me
As women age, we need strength training and cardio for healthy bones.
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we → age → bones
I applaud anyone who makes it to the gym or a class three times a week.
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who → applaud → gym
But let's talk about the weekend warriors - the ones who work nine to five and become David Goggins the moment Saturday hits.
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Saturday → let → warriors
Everyone knows one.
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Everyone → know → one
They're not out for a jog before pancakes at Bills; they're training for an Ironman.
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they → train → Ironman
Sunday isn't fish and chips at the pub, it's 'carb loading', counting macros, weighing protein.
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it → count → protein
And don't get me started on protein.
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me → get → protein
Never in my life have I felt more pressure to join a movement than the protein movement.
asserted
I → feel → movement
I simply can't add half a cow to every meal.
asserted
I → add → meal
Joanna posted a selfie on Instagram, hooked up to a drip, with the caption: 'Go hard or go home, a win is a win'
asserted
win → post → caption
They know their resting heart rate, sleep score, and how many times they farted in their sleep.
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they → know → sleep
A snack isn't a bag of chips, it's 'refuelling'.
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it → refuel → chips
Their Insta bio isn't Live, Laugh, Love any more - it's 'hybrid athlete', despite the fact they work in recruitment.
And for the love of God, never ask how their training is going - unless you want a 45-minute TED Talk on electrolytes, sled weights, interval training, and whether their left hamstring is 'firing properly'.
asserted
hamstring → live → electrolytes
And I beg you: never, ever - and I mean EVER - ask about the P-word.
asserted
I → beg → word
…and 8 more, not listed.
The Aporia
