And so it came to pass that Russell Brand took to the stand at his rape and sexual assault trial in London.
asserted
Brand → come → London
Standing tall in the witness box, wearing a navy suit and a white wing-collared shirt adorned with a complicated neckerchief, here he was at last, the dandy highwayman ready to stand and deliver his defence.
asserted
he → stand → defence
In the hours that followed Brand talked of the joys of 'canoodling and kissing', of how he believed that sexual consent was 'fundamental, essential, necessary and in many ways more important than sex itself', he described himself as the kind of considerate lover whose behaviour towards women was 'complimentary, flirtatious, flattering, tactile'.
asserted
behaviour → follow → women
Yes, he used his fame for 'reckless philandering.'
asserted
he → use → philandering
Yes, he accepted 'my eyes change when I have an orgasm'.
asserted
I → accept → orgasm
Yes, he admitted he was 'obsessed' with sex in his younger years – but denied being unable to function without it.
asserted
he → admit → it
However, he did admit that it was no mere pastime.
asserted
it → admit → ?
'It wasn't a hobby, you are right there,' he confirmed.
asserted
he → confirm → ?
Previously the jury had heard evidence of Brand's alleged unique brand of copious copulation – of sex and sexual acts in toilets, in bedrooms, in cars, in hotels.
asserted
jury → hear → hotels
Now we learned that early in his career as a wannabe erotic buccaneer sometimes his performance was 'timid and faltering', although it wasn't long before his sensual needs grew beyond the strictly conventional.
asserted
needs → learn → conventional
'To be a bit more colloquial, kinky,' he kindly explained to the court.
asserted
he → explain → court
It began just after 10am yesterday morning when Brand walked the short distance from the glass walled dock to the witness box, the tread of his rodeo boots muffled by the courtroom's orange carpet.
asserted
tread → begin → carpet
Pad, pad, pad, he went.
asserted
went → go → ?
Feeling glad, glad, glad, he had said earlier, of this opportunity 'for truth and justice'.
asserted
he → feel → truth
The comedian has been charged with three counts of rape, three charges of sexual assault and one charge of attempted indecent assault
Previously the jury had heard evidence of Brand's alleged unique brand of copious copulation – of sex and sexual acts
Perhaps it was no surprise that Brand's natural flamboyance was not quite so easily muted as his footsteps.
asserted
flamboyance → charge → footsteps
He took the oath at stentorian volume, a theatrical development fully appreciated by Mr Justice Bennathan, who has frequently asked lawyers and witnesses during this trial to speak up, slow down and repeat that again.
asserted
who → take → that
'Mr Brand, that is nice and loud,' he enthused.
asserted
he → enthuse → ?
'Keep your voice that loud, it is very useful.'
asserted
it → keep → voice
The comedian has been charged with three counts of rape, three charges of sexual assault and one charge of attempted indecent assault.
asserted
comedian → charge → assault
When his barrister Ian Winter KC put the seven charges to Brand and asked if he had committed them, his client answered in the negative every time.
asserted
client → put → negative
'No,' he said loudly, just a whisper short of a bellow.
asserted
he → say → bellow
Yet the volume and sometimes the tone changed just a few hours later when prosecuting barrister Riel Karmy-Jones KC got stuck into her cross-examination, challenging his version of events.
asserted
KC → change → events
'What did you do afterwards to make her feel better?' she asked about one of Brand's alleged victims.
asserted
she → do → victims
'I didn't realise there was a requirement to make her feel better,' he replied.
asserted
he → realise → ?
The defendant's voice was noticeably quieter during some of their exchanges and occasionally there were long pauses before he answered questions – perhaps understandable, given he was recalling events that took place nearly 20 years ago.
asserted
that → be → place
'You are not suggesting that she enjoyed this, are you?' he was asked at one point.
asserted
he → suggest → point
'I don't remember,' came the reply.
asserted
reply → remember → ?
'This is out of the realms of my contemplation,' he would say.
asserted
he → say → contemplation
'I can see the argument that you are constructing,' he nodded.
asserted
he → see → that
'I can understand what you are suggesting and it is not true,' he said, even calling one of the KC's summations 'absurd'.
asserted
he → understand → summations
'I wasn't publicly earning as much money as you are,' he said at one point.
asserted
he → earn → point
Like sporting fixtures and the human brain, this was a day made of two halves.
asserted
this → make → halves
One half was concerned with the asserted suffering of the alleged victims – the lack of lubricants, the lack of aftercare, the lack of respect, the lack of tact – the other with the suffering endured by Russell Brand himself.
asserted
half → concern → Brand
He described his upbringing as someone with 'a pretty normal background, an adolescent boy with a good many issues', he talked of the 'deeply traumatic' events which brought him here to Southwark Crown Court and of how the Despatches documentary which first aired allegations against him had a 'devastating' effect on his life.
asserted
which → describe → life
He finished giving evidence and padded back to his seat in the dock, noiseless once more behind the glass screen.
asserted
He → finish → screen
The Aporia
