This column has 530 words.
asserted
column → have → words
Or some 2600 letters, since counting characters is our focus this week.
asserted
counting → count → characters
Not the Belgian journo who takes Snowy the dog on big adventures but a protein boosting a muscle’s elasticity.
asserted
who → take → elasticity
Titin may seem one more silhouette on the page, until the word performs its own Tardis trick, elasticising outward to reveal its alter ego of methionylthreonylthreonylglutaminylalanylprolylthreonylphenylalanylthreonylglutaminylprolyletc-etc.
uncertain
word → seem → methionylthreonylthreonylglutaminylalanylprolylthreonylphenylalanylthreonylglutaminylprolyletc
That’s 102 letters, and just one slice of titin’s polysyllabic heft of 189,819 letters.
asserted
That → ’ → letters
Give or take, that’s the Gettysburg Address times 167, a speech in which Abraham Lincoln diverted the course of America’s civil war by the time titin had put on its socks.
asserted
titin → give → socks
Extended fully, the bacterium brags 1909 letters.
asserted
bacterium → extend → letters
Chemists in general have an occupational bug for long words, placing a compound’s every element on show, much like a traveller disgorging their suitcase on the customs counter.
asserted
Chemists → have → counter
Mary Poppins, of course, provided the longest word most of us know.
asserted
most → provide → us
At 34 letters, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious was coined by Robert and Richard Sherman for the 1964 film.
asserted
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious → coin → film
Dictionary sleuths have tried to derive the mouthful, sourcing each syllable to define the adjective as “atoning for being teachable via delicate beauty”.
asserted
sleuths → try → beauty
Not that meaning matters as much as the delight’s length.
asserted
meaning → matter → length
Because length, we learnt last week, scanning The Age’s letters page, is zeitgeist clickbait.
asserted
we → learn → page
Reader Kevin Vidler began the mania, or maybe Waleed Aly deserves that credit.
asserted
Aly → begin → credit
Aly’s column from early October, a temperature check on today’s feverish political mood, included such voluble specimens as acknowledges and disillusioned – though the doozy to catch Vidler’s eye was the 16-letter curmudgeonliness.
asserted
doozy → include → eye
“I suspect that I am a sufferer of it!” Vidler wrote.
asserted
Vidler → suspect → it
“Can Waleed find a longer word for a future article?”
asserted
Waleed → find → article
Aly did in fact, his columns also bearing the 21-gun salute of hyperpoliticatisation.
asserted
columns → do → hyperpoliticatisation
Other oversized suggestions poured into The Age’s inbox.
asserted
suggestions → pour → inbox
Jane Ross of San Remo took one stretch limo from the garage, citing all 28 letters of antidisestablishmentarianism.
asserted
Ross → take → antidisestablishmentarianism
Though Michael Spillane went five better with antidisestablishmentarianismistic.
asserted
Spillane → go → antidisestablishmentarianismistic
Just as Brian Kidd summoned a certain Welsh village, titin’s global twin, where Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch is known by locals as Llanfair PG
asserted
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch → summon → PG
To be honest, I’m surprised pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis missed the bus, another fond gasbag at 45 letters.
asserted
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis → ’m → letters
Unpack the kerfuffle and you’ll twig how the term denotes a lung condition, triggered by inhaling volcanic dust.
asserted
term → unpack → dust
Except it doesn’t.
asserted
it → do → ?
Just as 2026 feels like the cusp of data-geddon, the eco-crisis peak, the hyperpoliticised hellstorm, and what are we doing?
asserted
we → feel → what
We’re treasuring long words again, even making them up, such as adding a phony suffix to antidisestablishmentarianism.
asserted
We → treasure → antidisestablishmentarianism
Or awarding Word Of The Year to Cory Doctorow’s German-like confabulation of enshittification, all 16 letters of it, just like Aly’s curmudgeonliness, which revived the déjà vu last week.
asserted
which → award → vu
- Richard Morecroft’s surname yields the anagram ‘comforter’, which is only right
- Lisa says her husband is ‘trolling’, but he denies it.
asserted
he → yield → it
Who’s right?
asserted
Who → ’ → ?
- Flong time no see: My adventures with a daily dictionary dip
- Language in the age of AI: Whimsymaxxing the apocalypse
- How card games shuffled the everyday language of sports
- TV or Not TV: our favourite two-letter word’s identity crisis
- Fifty shades of … what?
asserted
games → see → what
The absurd quest to name colours
- How a regional Instagram account is recording the latest entrants in the Aussie lexicon
- Out of the box: The grammatical nightmare keeping me awake
- Are you using the latest slang or are you just reheating nachos?
asserted
you → name → nachos
The Aporia
