It’s midnight in Lakemba, the fruit shops are pumping, as are the cafés – and the pub – in ways no Potts Point retiree could believe is still legal.
uncertain
retiree → ’ → ways
I spot another visibly inner west white boy by his stick-and-poke tattoos and we nod to each other.
asserted
we → spot → other
His massive jorts flap in the breeze like a friendly flag.
asserted
jorts → flap → flag
He and I are gentrification shock troopers, penetrating further than ever into the final livable areas of Sydney to drive up the price of schooners and sandwiches.
asserted
He → penetrate → schooners
And with the metro at our disposal we won’t be stopped.
asserted
we → stop → disposal
Today is the first of many incursions, a pub crawl that began at Victoria Cross in Sydney’s north.
asserted
that → begin → north
VB here is a recession-driving $13 and the empty office buildings get the best view of the harbour.
asserted
buildings → drive → harbour
The chair polishers here whisper like superstitious villagers that the metro will revive working in the office.
asserted
metro → whisper → office
“The plague long hath finished,” they chitter, “but where ist the socials marketing team?
asserted
team → finish → ?
They’re with me, zooming into the city to Market City Tavern to marinate in the smoking section.
asserted
They → ’re → section
It’s a strange mix of ABC employees and Chinatown cigar enthusiasts, presumably bonding over their mutual communism.
asserted
It → ’ → communism
My regular haunt, the controversial Marrickville Golf Club, is best reached by getting off at Dulwich Hill.
asserted
haunt → reach → Hill
But we go one further as we head to the outer inner west.
asserted
we → go → west
“It’s been very suspenseful,” Ed Turley, the 19-year-old barman says.
asserted
Turley → say → ?
“The metro is so sleek and modern, it’s not just heavy rail clunking around.
asserted
it → ’ → ?
I slur in agreement.
asserted
I → slur → agreement
HP doesn’t have a kitchen either, but the city’s best pizza, Frankly Nicks, is on the corner and you’re allowed to eat it in the bar.
asserted
you → have → bar
Sydney, the further from Macquarie Street you go, gets cheaper, tastier and less puritan about the shackles placed on drinkers.
asserted
you → go → drinkers
The SW1 rail bus, the great pink Satan, has rattled past HP Bowlo every few minutes for two years, trying but failing to cruel the ambience.
asserted
bus → rattle → ambience
Now it’s dead.
asserted
it → ’ → ?
“I think the buses are just a great thing to complain about, gives people something to do,” Turley said, not recognising my acute trauma.
asserted
Turley → think → trauma
We catch the silver bullet west again, to Lakemba.
asserted
We → catch → Lakemba
Leaving the inner city I was really hoping for some peace and healing from that debate.
asserted
I → leave → debate
But instead I learn what $30 can really buy in a civilised place.
asserted
30 → learn → place
“Every stop is $10 cheaper,” another of my fellow travellers says.
asserted
another → say → travellers
“If I can’t get a vape here, the jig is truly up.
asserted
jig → get → vape
Don’t worry – the jig was not up – and fortunately we reached a pub where the bounds of the smoking section was really a matter of opinion.
asserted
bounds → worry → opinion
Certain communities in Sydney’s west don’t spend much time in their pubs, and I assumed the Lakemba Hotel would be quiet on a Friday.
asserted
Hotel → spend → Friday
But I forgot one crucial thing – another community’s dedication to cricket, schooners and black market tobacco.
asserted
I → forget → cricket
If you can think of a better soundtrack to put $200 into the Dapto dishlickers than Women’s Big Bash League cricket (rerun) at midnight – please tell the boys at Lakemba.
asserted
you → think → Lakemba
The only tragedy for me, and all who venture west asking for XPAs, is that you hit so many good joints before you can get to the nation’s premiere pokie palace.
asserted
you → venture → palace
The Bankstown Sports Club has the most pokies of anywhere, almost 750 at last count, and takes in something like $20 million a quarter from its local pensioners, addicts and drinkers.
asserted
Club → have → pensioners
Its embarrassment of riches has been funnelled into the club which has a rainforest, fake Chinatown and an entire Italian piazza within its walls.
asserted
which → funnel → walls
I’m not a gambler but I do like their cheap beers, about half the price of North Sydney, and it’s the only way to get to Italy on the metro (so far).
asserted
it → ’m → metro
It’s the type of excess only seen when third world dictators get their palaces raided, but problem gambling is the real engine room of this great state.
asserted
gambling → ’ → state
But for us the night was over, I crawl into bed smelling like someone else’s Double Happiness ciggies and pub carpet (according to my wife, but I deny all charges).
uncertain
I → crawl → charges
Next time you’re standing on the platform and heading toward the office, turn around.
asserted
you → stand → office
The Aporia
