If the Republicans weren’t headed for disaster in the midterms, perhaps they will be now.
asserted
they → head → midterms
The former shadow of Donald J. Trump arrived at the Reflecting Pool Monday to ramble for an hour about pipes, granite, algae and caulking.
asserted
shadow → arrive → pipes
He threw in some stuff around halfway through about the election, before returning to huge printouts of cracks in concrete.
asserted
He → throw → concrete
And then he finished it all off by declaring wealth inequality a good thing.
asserted
inequality → finish → it
All of this was delivered in a halting, croaky voice, from a man who looked, to put it politely, tired.
asserted
who → deliver → it
The pool behind him was a “dirty, filthy, stagnant mess,” he said.
asserted
he → say → him
People tried fixing it in the past, but they couldn’t.
asserted
they → try → past
They tried diverting water from the Potomac, but “that doesn’t work, for certain reasons I won’t go into.”
asserted
I → try → reasons
Really, he added, you need to understand the specific coating that you need to put on a pool, as well as the particularities of pipes and joints.
asserted
you → add → pipes
He had A4 printouts of pictures of the insides of pipes.
asserted
He → have → pipes
He also had printouts of the joints.
asserted
He → have → joints
As Trump held up image after image of niche construction paraphernalia, all while adding that “granite has a million-year life,” the Election day polling sites for the midterms were getting ready to open.
asserted
sites → hold → midterms
Candidates wrapped up their campaigns; activists knocked on doors.
asserted
activists → wrap → doors
And here was the president, nodding toward an image of the Reflecting Pool from a couple of years ago and saying to the crowd, “That green — that’s not grass, that’s algae…
asserted
that → nod → crowd
The algae had a bad aroma, to put it mildly,” before pointing to another part of the picture and saying, “All of that has been re-caulked.”
asserted
All → have → that
The speech swung between “sadly nodding at Grandpa” territory and absurdist performance art.
asserted
speech → swing → territory
“It was a work of art, in many ways, but it was a work of art that never worked,” said Trump.
asserted
Trump → work → art
Was he self-satirizing?
asserted
he → satirize → ?
Does he seriously believe this is the big achievement he should be touting just before the elections?
asserted
he → believe → elections
Or is this simply all he has left?
asserted
he → leave → ?
There was a long, long ramble about how Washington, D.C. — now with cleared-out homeless encampments and law enforcement of various kinds armed with machine guns on every corner — is “the safest place in America” and a great place to go out for dinner, as if anybody else in the US would care.
asserted
anybody → be → US
Then came an extended segment on grass — did you know how Bermuda grass will last longer than regular grass?
asserted
grass → come → grass
Did you know how hard regrassing is in general?
asserted
regrassing → know → ?
(“Grass has a life of its own,” the president mused.)
asserted
president → have → own
He talked about replacing light fixtures.
asserted
He → talk → fixtures
He repeated his tidbit about the life cycle of granite.
asserted
He → repeat → granite
Twenty-four minutes in, he finally got around to mentioning the election, but only to quickly say that “our whole country is booming.
asserted
country → get → election
We’re booming like we’ve never boomed before,” which does more to invoke the ‘OK, boomer’ meme — or perhaps the war in Iran — than it does an economy that’s working out great for everyone, but sure.
asserted
that → boom → everyone
Eventually, we got to the part he could read off the piece of paper on the podium in front of him: something about how the Democrats have an “extreme and dangerous slate of candidates,” which includes “jihadists and, uh, Muslim Brotherhood,” he added, slurring.
uncertain
he → get → jihadists
These candidates will be “taking away your guns” and doing “transgender mutilization of your children.”
asserted
candidates → take → children
He said it like even he wasn’t convinced.
asserted
he → say → it
“With your - vote - we - will decide - these extremists will be - given power?” he continued, haltingly, before finding his train of thought again, at least somewhat, and adding that “various ideologies, they’ve always failed.
asserted
they → decide → thought
He mentioned the 29 stops he’s made throughout the month, but he didn’t need to, because those 29 stops were written all over his face.
asserted
stops → mention → face
Schlepping from Alaska to Iowa and Texas and back just isn’t a healthy way for an 80-year-old man to spend his time, and now we have conclusive proof of that fact.
asserted
we → schleppe → fact
He half-heartedly claimed Abdul El-Sayed, the Democrat standing for election to the US Senate in Michigan, calls the United States “the house of Satan.”
asserted
Sayed → claim → Satan
Then he immediately added that “it’s a fraudulent election” and ended on the nonsense statement “I’ve actually kept more promises than I made.”
asserted
I → add → promises
“So I just wanna say,” the president continued, “that, uh, we’re very proud of what’s behind me but we’re even more proud of—” What is it, Donald? The economy?
asserted
it → say → me
Literally any piece of legislation? “—all the other statues we have in Washington
asserted
we → have → Washington
That’ll get ‘em to the polls!
asserted
That → get → polls
Interior Secretary Doug Burgum was invited to the stage at this point, who looked comparatively sprightly and talked at about a hundred miles an hour about the incredible and wonderful leadership of Donald J.
“The president’s a builder.
asserted
president → invite → J.
…and 15 more, not listed.
The Aporia
