The midterms happened and it wasn't pretty.
asserted
it → happen → ?
Some people came out on top, while others may never recover after enduring a ritualistic humiliation of near-biblical proportions.
uncertain
others → come → proportions
Practically everyone whose name was printed on a ballot next to it won their election.
asserted
name → print → election
Dan Osborn, the Democrat pretending to be an independent in the Nebraska Senate race, probably would have too if he'd been more honest.
asserted
he → pretend → race
It's bound to make a comeback after Tuesday's results.
asserted
It → bind → results
A man wearing a dress won a seat in the state legislature—in Alabama.
asserted
man → wear → Alabama
That sound you hear is Pete Buttigieg restoring the pronouns to his social media bios.
asserted
Buttigieg → hear → bios
Nothing will rouse their base more or boost their popularity with independents faster than having no real power and nothing to do but watch Democrats remind voters why no one likes them either.
asserted
one → rouse → them
Their candidates won everywhere, but the party's policies couldn't even win support in blue states.
asserted
policies → win → states
California's wealth tax went down in flames, while Washington State and Colorado are projected to approve ballot measures that would impose restrictions on sex-change operations for minors as well as transgender participation in sports.
asserted
that → go → sports
He's in line to become the first black speaker of the House and would enjoy a comfortable majority.
asserted
He → become → majority
An emboldened "Squad" and the incoming class of left-wing radicals are going to make his life miserable.
asserted
life → go → radicals
The Muslim Brotherhood strongman led Egypt for barely a year before being ousted in a 2013 coup.
asserted
strongman → lead → coup
Years later, he suffered a fatal heart attack while awaiting trial on espionage charges.
asserted
he → suffer → charges
Nevertheless, he persisted and conquered Michigan from the grave.
asserted
he → persist → grave
At some point, the socially conservative Muslims who supported Abdul El-Sayed are going to find out about his stance on male dongs in women's locker rooms.
asserted
who → support → rooms
Gavin Newsom peaked too early, is covered in grease, and has no ideas or principles.
asserted
Newsom → peak → ideas
Pete Buttigieg is washed up—a poor man's James Talarico.
asserted
Buttigieg → wash → ?
If AOC decides to run, who's going to stop her?
asserted
who → decide → her
"DEI is back," Rep. Ro Khanna (D., Calif.) declared triumphantly.
asserted
Khanna → declare → ?
Few are better positioned to cash in on the vibe shift than DiAngelo, the best-selling author of White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism and Nice Racism: How Progressive White People Perpetuate Racial Harm.
asserted
People → position → Harm
He won reelection, but he'll always be a loser.
asserted
he → win → reelection
Democrats finally ousted Sen. Susan Collins (R., Maine), which is great news for Morris Katz and Daniel Moraff.
asserted
which → oust → Katz
The trust-fund wunderkinds who originally recruited Graham Platner, an unemployed accused rapist with a Nazi tattoo, will face no recriminations for their shenanigans.
asserted
who → recruit → shenanigans
He clearly loved that Nazi tat.
asserted
He → love → tat
They made him replace it with what looks like a deformed chihuahua begging to be put out of its misery.
asserted
what → make → misery
After watching his replacement, Troy Jackson, win by 7 percentage points, Platner surely regrets dropping out over a measly rape allegation.
asserted
Platner → watch → allegation
The comeback tour starts now.
asserted
tour → start → ?
Even she could have beaten Ken Paxton in this environment.
uncertain
she → beat → environment
Crockett didn't get the chance because a different insufferable white guy, James Talarico, beat her in the Democratic primary.
asserted
guy → get → primary
Given Talarico's expressed commitment to decolonizing white supremacy, it's not unreasonable to demand that he resign immediately upon taking office so that the incoming Democratic governor (of Texas!) can nominate Crockett as his replacement.
asserted
governor → give → replacement
Let the big dog eat.
asserted
dog → let → ?
As he ponders whether to resign in solidarity with black and brown communities, Talarico will need to "interview" plenty of candidates for positions in his Senate office.
asserted
Talarico → ponder → office
It's unclear whether Brianna Menard, his current girlfriend and former chief of staff, is planning to join him in Washington.
uncertain
Menard → plan → Washington
Not that it would make a difference to a stud like Jimmy T.
LOSER: The Lincoln Project.
asserted
it → make → LOSER
Do they still exist?
asserted
they → exist → ?
For the art of the grift, sure, but surely there will come a point when these "former Republicans" begin to feel a bit undignified about the prospect of endorsing Medicare for All or the Hasan Piker Senate campaign.
asserted
Republicans → come → All
He lost the Ohio Senate race, but he'll make a lot more money as a thirst-trap poster.
asserted
he → lose → poster
He's sitting on a gold mine.
asserted
He → sit → mine
The Aporia
