Until three years ago, I felt I had a wonderful relationship with his family, so it’s hard to deal with what he’s done to me and my relationships with them.
asserted
he → feel → them
A new daughter-in-law, “Jean,” who has a granddaughter, “Sophie,” has fostered a secret relationship between my husband and this child, who is now 4.
asserted
who → have → husband
I was shocked when they came over on his birthday last year and Sophie was all over him, calling him grandpa, etc.
asserted
Sophie → come → him
It was apparent what had been going on.
asserted
what → go → ?
I felt humiliated at being excluded but said nothing, as I had been looking forward to getting to know the child.
asserted
I → feel → child
I believe Jean has her eyes on my husband’s money.
asserted
Jean → believe → money
I suspect he used our joint checking account to buy a life insurance policy with this little girl as a beneficiary.
asserted
he → suspect → beneficiary
I believe Jean thinks my husband (and I) should foot the bill for Sophie’s college education.
asserted
husband → believe → education
Now my husband wants a divorce.
asserted
husband → want → divorce
We’ve had some rocky years due to his health, but this takes the cake.
asserted
this → have → cake
My husband did not want his son to marry her in the first place, but she had a plan.
asserted
she → want → plan
I have done nothing wrong (though he accuses me of cheating), and it is heartbreaking that his family is ghosting me.
asserted
family → do → me
How do you fight a liar?
asserted
you → fight → liar
Dealing with a manipulator like Jean can be a nightmare.
asserted
Dealing → deal → Jean
If you haven’t consulted a divorce lawyer, do so now, and make sure the insurance policy is the first thing you mention.
asserted
you → consult → lawyer
A lot of your story is Jean’s word against yours, but if such a policy was created without your knowledge, your husband could be in big trouble.
uncertain
husband → create → trouble
My oldest son, “Mitch,” from a previous marriage, passed away six months ago.
asserted
son → pass → marriage
He had five children and two grandchildren.
asserted
He → have → children
I got along well with them, but I wasn’t always around because I was raising my own family.
asserted
I → get → family
Since Mitch’s death, I haven’t heard a word from any of them.
asserted
I → hear → them
Mitch’s wife has made it known that I am not needed in their lives.
asserted
I → make → lives
She said she needs time and space.
asserted
she → say → time
I’m respecting that, but I’m not happy that I don’t get to see one of my great-grandsons.
asserted
I → respect → grandsons
Should I force the issue and show up at her door one day?
asserted
I → force → door
I don’t want to alienate them, but it’s becoming obvious that I’m out of their lives forever.
asserted
I → want → lives
I miss my son as much as they do, but they don’t care about me.
asserted
they → miss → me
You mentioned that you “weren’t the most attentive” grandparent over the years.
asserted
you → mention → years
Did this include forgetting them on birthdays, Christmas, graduations and so forth?
asserted
this → include → birthdays
If the answer lies between “maybe” and “yes,” then it shouldn’t be surprising that your grandchildren learned to do without you in their lives.
asserted
grandchildren → lie → lives
Allow me to offer this suggestion: Rather than show up unannounced, it might be more effective to reach out to them individually.
uncertain
it → allow → them
** ** **
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren.
asserted
Abby → write → Buren
For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
asserted
which → pen → mother
The Aporia
