Molly Ticehurst's three closest friends never thought someone their age could be a victim of a domestic violence homicide.
uncertain
someone → think → homicide
Molly was stabbed to death by ex-partner Daniel Billings in April 2024.
asserted
Molly → stab → April
Earlier this month Billings was sentenced to 28 years in jail with a non-parole period of 20 years.
asserted
Billings → sentence → years
"It still feels like we're living in a horror movie.
asserted
we → feel → movie
I never had thought that would have been the outcome for her," friend Gaby Shepherd told Australian Story.
asserted
Shepherd → think → Story
Aidan Clarke, who knew Molly from the time they were both babies, said he did not think intimate partner violence was a problem for young people.
asserted
violence → know → people
"The image is a 45 to 55-year-old male comes home from the pub, the wife asks where they were and they slap them around a bit," Mr Clarke said.
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Clarke → come → them
In fact, rates of intimate partner violence for 16 to 24-year-olds are higher than for those aged 45 and older, according to the Australian Child Mistreatment Study published in 2021.
uncertain
rates → age → 2021
The study found that 48 per cent of 16 to 24-year-olds surveyed had experienced psychological, physical or sexual abuse at the hands of a partner, compared to 40 per cent of people aged 45 and older.
asserted
cent → find → 45
"These are things you see on TV, on the news.
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you → see → news
This doesn't happen in our little community.
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This → happen → community
This doesn't happen to my best friend," Ms Shepherd said.
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Shepherd → happen → friend
She said she "holds a lot of guilt" for not stepping in when she realised that Molly was in an abusive relationship.
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Molly → say → relationship
But recognising a friend is at risk of harm, and safely stepping in to help, can be tricky.
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friend → recognise → harm
Triple j hack has asked two experts for advice on what to do if you think a loved one is in a domestic violence situation.
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one → ask → situation
Here's what they told us.
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they → tell → us
Listen and take them seriously
Pia Birac, the deputy CEO of Domestic Violence NSW, said the first step was simple: listen uncritically to what they're telling you about what's happening in their relationship.
asserted
what → listen → relationship
"Start by believing them, listening without judgement, and reassuring them that the abuse is not their fault,"she said.
asserted
abuse → start → them
Karen Bevan from Full Stop Australia said you shouldn't dismiss the severity of the problem if your loved one is young.
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one → say → problem
"One of the things that's really important is that we take it seriously because young people's relationships are serious, they're important to them at that time," she said.
asserted
she → take → time
Ms Bevan said it's important to reassure them that they're not being judged because of what's happening to them.
asserted
what → say → them
"[Tell them] nobody thinks the less of you because you're in a relationship that isn't working out and it's OK if you need time," she said.
asserted
she → tell → time
Come from a place of compassion rather than judgement
Ms Bevan said coming to the conversation with a firm idea of what a person should or shouldn't be doing can backfire.
asserted
person → come → what
"Bringing your own view about what's OK and what's not OK can often shut someone down if they're going to seek help," she said.
asserted
she → bring → help
Instead, Ms Bevan recommended coming to the conversation with a sense of compassion or concern by asking, "how are you feeling?
asserted
you → recommend → compassion
How did this land for you?"
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this → land → you
She said checking in or noticing patterns can be a helpful way to start a chat.
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checking → say → chat
For example, "I've noticed that you've stopped coming out with us lately," or "I was disappointed you couldn't make our weekend away".
asserted
you → notice → weekend
"As a friend please be careful to notice gently and ask how the person is feeling, to create a safe space for them to share.
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them → notice → space
And if they don't, respect their decision."
asserted
they → do → decision
Ms Bevan said it was vital that you constantly check in and make sure you're respecting the needs of your friend or loved one.
asserted
you → say → friend
She reflects on the time she lost a friendship because she failed to do that.
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she → reflect → that
"I stepped in and took a bit of control out of my friend's hands and as a result her trust for me was lost," she said.
asserted
she → step → me
Ms Birac agreed that giving the person the autonomy to make decisions for themself is crucial.
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giving → agree → themself
"It is important to follow their lead, respect their choices and support them to make decisions that feel safe and achievable for their circumstances.
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that → follow → circumstances
They are the experts in their own lives and safety," she said.
asserted
she → say → lives
Be ready to offer practical support
Ms Bevan said friends should be ready to support a person if they decide to leave, without pushing for it.
asserted
they → offer → it
"That's the sort of friend where, in the end, that person may well be prepared to take that step towards trust,"she said.
uncertain
person → take → trust,"she
Ms Birac said it's important to remember "you cannot force someone to leave an abusive relationship".
asserted
you → say → relationship
"Offer practical support, such as helping them connect with a specialist service or trusted adult, and seek advice yourself if you're unsure what to do," she said.
asserted
she → offer → what
…and 4 more, not listed.
The Aporia