My wife and I live one corn field south of the 45th parallel line on the Northern Bruce Peninsula.
asserted
wife → live → Peninsula
I’ve dubbed it “soft” country due to the paved roads, cell reception (but only in the driveway) and (mostly) reliable Wi-Fi.
asserted
I → dub → driveway
We also have bears, rattlesnakes, cottagers and renters.
asserted
We → have → bears
In Lion’s Head, we are privy to some of the best star-studded backdrops as a Dark Sky Community.
asserted
we → stud → Community
The Milky Way is a near constant companion thanks to the local effort to reduce pesky light pollution.
asserted
Way → reduce → pollution
Somehow, despite silence being deemed golden, it was overlooked.
asserted
it → deem → ?
It’s now an endangered species in our hinterland.
asserted
It → ’ → hinterland
The buzz created by seasonal cottagers and weekend interlopers registers at an unsettling frequency.
asserted
buzz → create → frequency
If there were two volume settings, it’s like library vs. leaf blower.
asserted
it → be → blower
Sure, there is a time and place for “Sweet Caroline” and “Dancing Queen” but isn’t the haunting yodel of the loon more memorable?
asserted
yodel → be → loon
Really, how many rounds of the clanging washer toss game does it take to declare a winner?
asserted
it → clang → winner
Whoever invented that game (and jet skis) is clearly tone deaf.
asserted
invented → invent → game
I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s a regional difference in human eardrums.
asserted
I → come → eardrums
The tympanic membrane of an urbanite has to be on a different frequency setting than a rural resident.
asserted
membrane → have → resident
It’s understandable.
asserted
It → ’ → ?
The city is a 24/7 sound machine of competing horns, sirens, construction and ice cream truck jingles.
asserted
city → compete → horns
As they say, “wherever you go, there you are.”
asserted
you → say → ?
Despite an attempt to “get away from it all,” cottagers and renters tend to bring it all with them.
asserted
cottagers → get → them
Following predictable cottage life patterns, city visitors inevitably turn into human karaoke machines when placed beside a bonfire.
asserted
visitors → follow → bonfire
It’s not a provincial phenomenon.
asserted
It → ’ → ?
Around the world, we all walk to the beat of our own ear drums.
asserted
we → walk → drums
In Samana (Dominican Republic), bars and barbers alike set up sound systems that make the blood in your arteries vibrate.
asserted
blood → set → arteries
In Luxor, Egypt, our cabbie listened to Kenny Rogers and the Quran at BLARE-level while skilfully accompanying “The Gambler” with the additional “honk” of his car horn like a makeshift trumpet.
asserted
cabbie → listen → trumpet
In Kampala, Uganda, a banana vendor with a bullhorn gave me a case of banana-induced tinnitus in minutes.
asserted
vendor → give → minutes
I could still hear “bananabananabanana” hours later.
uncertain
I → hear → bananabananabanana
On that same trip, while chimp-trekking in the deep punk and funk of Budongo Central Forest Reserve our guide stopped in his tracks.
asserted
guide → trek → tracks
The musky whiff of a chimpanzee troop permeated the humid ironwood forest.
asserted
whiff → permeate → forest
“Can you hear the smell?” he asked.
asserted
he → hear → smell
Admittedly, my preferred soundtrack is bat echolocation and the whistle of tundra swan wings as they lift off the lake.
asserted
they → lift → lake
We’re lucky to live on a motor-free lake but that doesn’t stop the motormouths on standup paddleboards or in kayaks.
asserted
that → ’re → kayaks
Campsites often offer radio-free sites.
asserted
Campsites → offer → sites
I don’t expect visitors to the peninsula to embark upon a Kripalu Silent Retreat but city paddlers don’t seem to realize that the lake is a natural amplifier.
asserted
lake → expect → Retreat
Fun fact: nylon tents are not insulated with acoustic fibreglass either.
asserted
tents → insulate → fibreglass
Years ago, my sister led my brother and I on an out-and-back trail to Boom Lake in Banff National Park.
asserted
sister → lead → Park
It was a sharp February afternoon as we smashed along on our snowshoes through the alpine firs and spruce.
asserted
we → smash → firs
When we stopped for a slug of cocoa from the communal Thermos my brother remarked, “Holy crap.
asserted
brother → stop → Thermos
My sister, bewildered, shook her head.
asserted
sister → shake → head
“You live in Toronto!”
asserted
You → live → Toronto
While a weekend at the lake “sounds” good to most, there’s a difference between listening to the natural soundtrack or tuning it out completely.
asserted
weekend → sound → it
Fogo Island Inn actually installed white noise switches for guests who can’t adjust to owl hoots or worse, pure silence.
asserted
who → instal → hoots
…and 1 more, not listed.
The Aporia
