I didn’t react well to the arrival of my husband’s new (and vastly overpriced) bike.
asserted
I → react → bike
To anyone else, it would have been seen as a new and engaging hobby, but I saw it as something akin to the horror/sci-fi film Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
asserted
I → see → Snatchers
“You don’t understand,” I snapped at my husband as his new passion took hold.
asserted
passion → understand → hold
“I’ve known you to be one way for decades, and now you’re like someone else.
asserted
you → know → someone
Change, whether it’s something one party has created or an uncontrollable force, such as illness or injury, can be tough for most couples in long-term relationships, explains doctor of psychology Marny Lishman.
asserted
Lishman → ’ → psychology
“It’s challenging because it’s disruptive, uncomfortable, sometimes stressful and can feel uncertain,” she says.
asserted
she → ’ → ?
“That’s why it’s so important that we keep talking about how we’re feeling.”
asserted
we → ’ → ?
Lishman recommends keeping an open dialogue, sharing your concerns with your partner and, in cases where your partner has made the changes, actively listening to better understand their motivations.
asserted
partner → recommend → motivations
Here, three women whose marriages profoundly changed – whether by choice or chance – share their experiences.
asserted
marriages → change → experiences
“My husband became cycling-obsessed”: Nerida Yagan, 46
“Almost every memory I have has a version of Jason in it.
asserted
I → become → it
Although we only officially got together when we were 21, we also went to high school together, where we had a common circle of friends.
asserted
we → get → friends
When I look back, I see endless snowboarding trips around the world and a lot of laughter.
asserted
I → look → laughter
There was never any indication of any other hobby that could eclipse our shared love of a sport we now enjoy with our boys.
uncertain
we → be → boys
I didn’t think anything of it when a friend asked us to mind a road bike during the 2021 COVID-19 lockdowns, and Jason started taking it out for a few social rides.
asserted
Jason → think → rides
Obviously, it was great for health when we couldn’t do much else, but it soon became clear that his connection to cycling went far beyond casual.
asserted
connection → do → cycling
Our home rapidly began filling up with bikes and all the cycling paraphernalia as he increased both the duration and the number of rides he’d go on each week.
asserted
he → begin → rides
In 2022, he joined a cycling club where he began training seriously for racing events.
asserted
he → join → events
The intensity caught me off-guard.
asserted
intensity → catch → guard
Although Jason talked to me about how much he got out of the sport – socially, mentally and physically – I was annoyed.
asserted
I → talk → sport
Not only at Jason because our sons (now 15 and 12) were a lot younger then, but at myself for not noticing that this was a need of his.
His passion for cycling was difficult to navigate in the early days.
asserted
passion → notice → days
There were times when I felt like all the responsibility of the household rested on my shoulders.
asserted
responsibility → be → shoulders
Jason is mindful of how his training impacts the family so we realised we needed to actively communicate and coordinate to share the load.
asserted
we → impact → load
He’s usually out of the house before dawn and back by 7am or 8am on weekdays, so I’m on the morning shift, while he’s in charge in the evenings so that I can go to the gym or do whatever else I like.
asserted
I → ’ → whatever
On weekends, he tends to take longer rides, but if I’ve got something on he’ll find a way to work around my schedule.
asserted
he → tend → schedule
It’s really no different to couples navigating shift work.
asserted
It → ’ → work
When your partner finds an all-consuming hobby, open communication is important.
asserted
communication → find → hobby
Otherwise, you fall into the resentment trap, like ‘I’m the one doing all the work’ or ‘I’m always alone’.
asserted
I → fall → work
I like to look at the bigger picture: we now intentionally set aside quality couple’s time, and we often travel to big cycling events as a family.
asserted
we → like → family
It’s so important that men have an outlet for social connection, and I’m glad our boys have such a great role model.
asserted
boys → ’ → model
”
“I became my husband’s carer”: Lisa Usher, 36
“Jake and I met on a Contiki tour of the United States back in 2012.
asserted
Jake → become → 2012
We each returned home – Jake to Karratha, WA, and me to Sydney – wondering how we could make a long-distance relationship work.
uncertain
relationship → return → Sydney
Once we met up again, we knew we wanted to try.
asserted
we → meet → ?
From day dot Jake has made me feel like I can take on anything.
asserted
I → make → anything
After five years of long-distance dating, we got engaged and I moved to Karratha – a huge step for someone who’d only ever lived with her parents.
asserted
who → get → parents
After we got married in 2018, we thought our lives would take the usual ‘travel and start a family’ trajectory, and for a while we were on track – we took overseas holidays, spent weekends camping and got a cat.
asserted
we → marry → cat
Four years ago, at the age of 31, Jake was diagnosed with stage-four bowel cancer.
asserted
Jake → diagnose → cancer
It had already spread to his liver when it was discovered.
asserted
it → spread → liver
Everything changed and would never be the same again.
asserted
Everything → change → ?
Jake had surgery on his bowel but within weeks, the number of lesions grew from two to 14, so Jake had to have round after round of hard-hitting chemo.
asserted
Jake → grow → chemo
Overnight, I had to learn to navigate new terminology, medication and side effects, but also take on the role of sole breadwinner.
asserted
I → have → breadwinner
…and 28 more, not listed.
The Aporia
