Set prices help: restaurants like to know how much they’re going to make in Burnham’s Britain.
asserted
they → Set → Britain
Probably, but just as they work for accountants, guests quite like to know how much they’re going to spend.
asserted
they → work → much
À la carte can bring unwelcome surprises.
asserted
carte → bring → surprises
At the glitzy Italian restaurant Bocconcino, the £80 price tag, or £105 with bottomless prosecco (somebody order a beveragino?), sounds extortionate, but a night out in Mayfair is rarely under a ton.
asserted
night → order → ton
I mean, a bowl of olives there is £8; a green salad is £16.
asserted
salad → mean → olives
All this might be considered haplessly ostentatious, like what Trump would do every day if he ate anything other than McDonald’s, but who on earth doesn’t get giddy at a buffet?
uncertain
who → consider → buffet
In the City of London is The Ned, a haven to men who still think tight suits look good.
asserted
suits → think → men
And a £120 luxury buffet of terrifying magnitude, where diners fill their boots.
asserted
diners → fill → boots
What else would you expect in the Square Mile?
asserted
you → expect → Mile
Order lobster and drink champagne any time, anywhere and it’s easy to break the bank.
asserted
it → order → bank
Here it’s prescribed.
asserted
it → prescribe → ?
Unlimited sushi for £90, at a Robert De Niro-endorsed restaurant, and it’s a glimpse into how the other half live.
asserted
half → endorse → restaurant
I think it might even be a good deal for the hungover and hungry.
uncertain
it → think → hungover
Honestly, how much spicy tuna on crispy rice can one man eat?
asserted
man → eat → rice
This is all-you-can-eat, sir.
asserted
you → eat → ?
Maybe we should start taking buffets more seriously, à la Vegas, and rid ourselves of dispositions.
asserted
we → start → dispositions
We can all remember our first all-you-can-eat experience and the politics entwined.
asserted
you → remember → experience
Mine was an average to poor Cantonese-style buffet in Oxford and I had one hell of a tummy ache the next day.
asserted
I → have → ache
Are those cards delivered discreetly to overzealous types real?
asserted
cards → deliver → types
You must have seen them “online” — small missives explaining that the diner in question was being too greedy, despite paying the necessary fee in exchange for an unlimited banquet of whatever food is on offer.
asserted
food → see → offer
Those Instagram videos are wondrous: mammothine gluttons building mountains out of noodles, balancing erroneously pieces of fried chicken, calamari and gyoza on a too-generous bed.
asserted
gluttons → build → bed
I’ve always gazed with amazement at those people.
asserted
I → gaze → people
It’s all the drama, Mick, I just love it.
asserted
I → ’ → it
It’s also so terribly, terribly unchic.
asserted
It → ’ → ?
At Nobu, I find myself hovering next to the spicy tuna like some hawkish miscreant
asserted
myself → find → miscreant
But then at Nobu, I find myself hovering next to the spicy tuna like some hawkish miscreant, a man from small-town Ohio who wants to exercise his rights.
asserted
who → find → rights
I love it.
asserted
I → love → it
We have the late, pioneering chef Katsuya Uechi to thank.
asserted
We → have → chef
He crafted miracles at his titular Los Angeles restaurant in the early 2000s.
asserted
He → craft → 2000s
Uechi worked wonders in LA but it was Nobu who helped take the morsels global in the past two decades.
asserted
who → work → decades
Today they’re very much part of the London scene, or at least they are in Mayfair, where Gucci belts don’t have much give but mayonnaise sushi remains à la mode.
asserted
sushi → ’re → give
At Nobu’s brunch-time extravagance, I spare the belt, and also pay quite a lot of attention to crab tacos — plump white meat inside fried wonton wrappers — cucumber maki, nigiri in various forms (but no salmon for me, thanks) and sea bass with yuzu, natch.
asserted
I → spare → yuzu
For that princely sum of £90, and for two hours, guests go to town, in a restaurant where a portion of chicken wings is normally £25.
asserted
portion → go → wings
Some elegance might be lost but staff don’t seem to mind how many times we explore the counters.
uncertain
we → lose → counters
Maybe you have to eat a fair amount to warrant the sum, but arrive hungry and it makes sense, even with the 12.5 per cent service charge.
asserted
it → have → charge
I imagine the £49 wine or Asahi pairing would be put to good use by many.
asserted
pairing → imagine → many
It’s the same story at the likes of Clap, in Knightsbridge and with a similar offering, if not an awful name, and Shangri-La the Shard, which for £139 will let you drink unlimited Veuve Clicquot and be dazzled by a chocolate fountain.
asserted
you → ’ → fountain
Buffets excite not only for their penchant to induce depravity, but because they balance such a fine line between being exploitative and being exploited.
asserted
they → excite → line
The Mövenpick Hotel in Marrakech does a chocolate buffet at 3pm in the afternoon and it’s so ridiculously indulgent almost everyone has to visit the gym before it and nap immediately afterwards.
asserted
everyone → do → it
I remember the breakfast carousel at the Mandarin Oriental in Taipei and its endless stream of dumplings, which can be matched with western-style omelettes and the worst sausages ever produced.
asserted
which → remember → omelettes
…and 1 more, not listed.
The Aporia
