I’m 70 now, and many of my friends and family spend our time together complaining about their various ailments.
asserted
many → ’m → ailments
I, too, have had some problems but do not make them a part of our visits unless I’m asked about them.
asserted
I → have → them
How can I rethink how to make these times more positive for everyone involved?
asserted
times → rethink → everyone
Sometimes, people of a certain age talk about their health problems because they have become less active and can find little else to talk about.
asserted
they → talk → little
To keep the energy flowing in a more positive direction, help your friends find hobbies and other interests to discuss.
asserted
friends → keep → hobbies
Even if they have medical issues, most people can manage quiet activities like board games, card games, a book club, or a knitting circle.
asserted
people → have → games
If all else fails, you can always ask them about their families as a change of subject.
asserted
you → fail → subject
Every month, I have the neighbors over for dinner and a movie.
asserted
I → have → dinner
I like to be inclusive — bring the kids, bring the dogs!
asserted
I → like → dogs
One couple recently had their elderly mom move in, and I installed a ramp so she could join us.
uncertain
she → have → us
Babies cry, dogs bark, women breastfeed, but all are welcome.
asserted
all → cry → ?
I put sleeping bags on the floor for the kids to sit on while grownups sit on the couches.
asserted
grownups → put → couches
Cleanup is a bear, but every squished meatball on the floor reminds me how much I love everyone.
asserted
I → remind → everyone
Recently, a new couple moved in, so of course I invited them and their 6-year-old to join us.
asserted
I → move → us
They warned me that he has severe autism, but I told them everyone is welcome, that he wouldn’t be expected to be quiet, and that the house is thoroughly kid-proofed.
asserted
house → warn → them
When the family showed up to join us, their child was horrible, even by my nonexistent standards for kiddo behavior.
asserted
child → show → behavior
He screamed, threw food, bit, spit and hit the other kids and the dogs for an hour.
asserted
He → scream → hour
Finally, everyone started to leave before the movie was over.
asserted
movie → start → ?
The boy’s parents really did try their best, and I was genuinely sympathetic.
asserted
I → try → best
They apologized the next day and said that if they were welcome in the future, they would alternate one parent staying home with their son while the other joined us.
asserted
other → apologize → us
That sounds reasonable, but I don’t like it.
asserted
I → sound → it
I can’t be inclusive just when it suits me.
asserted
it → suit → me
They have since invited me to their home for dinner, and their son was just as bad there, banishing my thoughts that maybe it was just a strange house he was reacting to.
asserted
he → invite → thoughts
I don’t know what to do with all this.
asserted
I → know → this
I’m looking for a magic wand.
asserted
I → look → wand
You are a caring, lovely person, but there is no magic wand that will make that child’s severe autism and behavior problems go away.
asserted
problems → be → ?
Because you are determined to entertain the entire family, the practical solution would be to invite them and their son over on another evening when other children and pets won’t be at risk of injury.
asserted
children → entertain → injury
Your movie night will be history if it is disrupted like that again.
asserted
it → disrupt → that
While I commend you for wanting to befriend the family, I think the parents had the right solution.
asserted
parents → commend → solution
** ** **
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren.
asserted
Abby → write → Buren
For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
asserted
which → pen → mother
The Aporia
