Ask Rebecca is smart, honest advice to readers’ questions about life, family and relationships by columnist Rebecca Eckler.
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Ask → ask → Eckler
You can also send an email to NPadvice@postmedia.com.
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You → send → NPadvice@postmedia.com
An old school friend is coming to stay for two weeks.
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friend → come → weeks
Last time I saw her, she never stopped talking.
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she → see → her
There was even one occasion when I wanted to say something and I actually had to ask her to be quiet for a moment.
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I → be → moment
She is a widow and lives alone, but judging by her extensive emails, she has lots of friends and leads a very busy life.
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she → live → life
I don’t want to be rude to her, but my husband and I aren’t that talkative and are quite happy with prolonged silences.
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husband → want → silences
He can just leave the room, but I can’t do that!
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I → leave → that
How do I get my message across without seeming rude?
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I → get → message
I have rarely been more on a letter writer’s side while simultaneously believing she may be partially responsible for her own predicament.
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she → believe → predicament
I’m so protective of my alone time that I read “two-week houseguest” and immediately started looking for an Airbnb for you.
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I → ’m → you
And I read your letter twice because I was convinced I’d missed the part where this old-school friend invited herself.
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friend → read → herself
She didn’t.
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She → do → ?
So, while I have enormous sympathy for you, the inconvenient fact is that you invited a known talker to live in your house for two weeks.
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you → have → weeks
I love people.
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I → love → people
I’ve been known to extract an entire divorce history from an Uber driver before we’ve made it through three traffic lights.
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we → know → lights
Almost every day there comes a point when I’m simply done receiving information and need silence.
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I → come → silence
Everyone in my house knows when I’ve reached maximum human input.
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I → know → input
I put one hand up like I’m stopping traffic.
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I → put → traffic
My husband and kids know immediately what it means: STFU.
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it → know → what
Do not tell me what happened at school.
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what → tell → school
Do not ask what’s for dinner.
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what → ask → dinner
If the house is on fire, fine, you may speak.
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you → speak → fire
So, I get you.
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I → get → you
What I don’t get is how you got yourself into this situation.
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you → get → situation
A houseguest doesn’t just materialize on the doorstep carrying a suitcase with enough underwear for 14 days.
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houseguest → materialize → days
Somewhere in this story, you said yes.
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you → say → story
How could you — someone who considers “comfortable silence” one of marriage’s greatest achievements — let this happen?
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this → consider → achievements
Were you distracted?
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you → distract → ?
Had she been talking for so long that you agreed to two weeks simply because it was the only way to get off the phone?
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it → talk → phone
Whatever happened, you’ve made your bed, and now you have to lie in it.
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you → happen → it
Unless, dear G-d, you’re planning to give her your bed too.
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you → plan → bed
Agreeing to house another adult for 14 days while already dreading it suggests speaking up for your boundaries may not be your strongest skill.
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speaking → agree → boundaries
If you couldn’t say, “two weeks is too long,” I’m guessing, “I need some me time” isn’t exactly going to roll off your tongue either.
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need → say → tongue
The good news is she hasn’t arrived yet.
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she → arrive → ?
Start managing expectations before she asks for the wi-fi password.
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she → manage → password
Tell her how excited you are to see her while casually mentioning that those two weeks have become unusually busy.
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weeks → tell → her
If they aren’t, make them busy.
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them → make → ?
You have until she unpacks to become the busiest woman in North America.
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she → have → America
Announce you absolutely must finish the 324-page book for book club, and you’re only on page 15.
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you → announce → page
…and 22 more, not listed.
The Aporia
