It was 3pm on a Tuesday and the Scottish Parliament was debating independence again because of course it was.
asserted
it → debate → course
It’s always independence, or Gaza, or independence for Gaza, or whether Gaza is for independence.
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Gaza → ’ → independence
Forgive me, but by this point all the grievances have congealed into one bulging terrine of resentment, and I’ve more than had my fill.
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I → forgive → fill
John Swinney had tabled a motion seeking the parliament’s confirmation that Scotland was ‘a nation’.
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Scotland → table → confirmation
Of course, thanks to the SNP, we all know Scotland is a nation.
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Scotland → know → SNP
A shipbuilding nation that can’t even build a couple of ferries.
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that → build → ferries
The point of the debate was to agree that democracy required Holyrood, not Westminster, to decide when another breakaway referendum would be held.
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referendum → agree → Holyrood
Democracy, in fact, does not require this, and if it did most countries in the world could no longer be considered democratic.
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countries → require → world
But Scottish exceptionalism being the narrow little window on the world that it is, nationalists and their devolutionist footmen pressed on as though defending the very principle of democracy.
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nationalists → press → democracy
Ross Greer read aloud from the 1989 claim of right at Holyrood
‘Westminster does not work for the people of Scotland,’ Swinney ventured.
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Swinney → read → Scotland
‘It never has and it never will.’
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it → have → ?
He did not say, you will have noticed, that Holyrood works for the people of Scotland.
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Holyrood → say → Scotland
Three decades is surely more than enough time to prove a parliament’s worth, but Holyrood continues to be a student common room for ageing lefties.
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Holyrood → prove → lefties
Speaking of lefties, Scottish Labour’s new leader Michael Marra approached the debate from an unusual angle.
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leader → speak → angle
He argued that Swinney wasn’t actually trying to achieve another independence referendum; ‘this debate, which I believe is an annual one, is about managing the First Minister’s party, not leading the country’.
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I → argue → country
Independence supporters ‘deserve better’ than being used so cynically by the First Minister, he sighed.
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he → deserve → Minister
Marra will be an interesting character to watch.
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Marra → watch → ?
He is sharper than Swinney in intellect and will likely cause the First Minister problems at question time.
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He → cause → time
A mention in dispatches for Reform’s Malcolm Offord, who tried to get the debate cancelled before it started, reminding MSPs that the Supreme Court had ruled independence to be a matter for Westminster.
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independence → try → Westminster
His concerns were dismissed out of hand.
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concerns → dismiss → hand
‘Mr Offord, this is a parliament, and parliaments are free to debate whatever subjects they wish to, including this one,’ said Nationalist presiding officer Kenny Gibson, who then turned proceedings over to Nationalist deputy presiding officer Clare Adamson.
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who → debate → Adamson
Now, that’s what I call balance.
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I → ’ → what
In the end, Offord couldn’t stomach it, withdrew his amendment, and marched his crew out of the debating chamber.
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Offord → stomach → chamber
The Nationalists and Greens clapped and cheered.
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Nationalists → clap → ?
Ross Greer, up next to speak, quipped: ‘I hope the Parliament Arms, across the road, has extra staff on this afternoon.
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Arms → speak → afternoon
I get the impression it might be busy.’
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it → get → impression
Everything went downhill from there, though, starting with the bold Ross reading aloud from the 1989 claim of right, with all the wide-eyed excitement of a school pupil reciting his ‘What I did on my holiday’ essay.
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I → go → essay
It was a press release stuck out by the Campaign for a Scottish Assembly after it failed to get the Tories or the SNP on board.
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it → stick → board
It enjoys all the legal force of a half-eaten lucky tattie.
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It → enjoy → tattie
The Nationalists and the Greens are trying to browbeat Unionist politicians into conceding, if not independence itself, then Holyrood’s right to set the date for a referendum.
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Nationalists → try → referendum
Many a faint-hearted Unionist will eventually end up at this point because they remain as feart of the SNP as they were in 2014.
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they → end → 2014
My response would be a tad more robust: Holyrood can hardly set the date if Holyrood no longer exists.
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Holyrood → set → date
Russell Findlay accused the SNP of having ‘a never-ending hissy fit’ over the result of the 2014 referendum, and told them to ‘get over it’.
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Findlay → accuse → it
In what stood out as the best line in an otherwise dismal distraction, he took a dig at the First Minister’s tastes in travel: ‘John Swinney does not like anything that is British apart from his British Airways business class flights.’
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that → stand → flights
Unlike his independence campaign, at least the flights get off the runway.
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flights → get → runway
The Aporia
