'Nightcaps' is a daily column that catches you up on the biggest sports, news and culture stories you may have missed while pretending to do work at your desk.
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you → catch → desk
It runs Monday-Friday on OutKick.com.
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We did it, friends.
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We made it to fall.
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We → make → fall
Now, I know Joe Kinsey tried to convince you in this morning's Screencaps that preferring autumn to summer is some sort of psy-op.
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preferring → know → op
But, respectfully, that just sounds like the opinion of someone who lives in northern Ohio.
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who → sound → Ohio
For those of us suffering in the ungodly heat and 400% humidity of the American South, sweater weather can't come soon enough.
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weather → suffer → South
In fact, today is the first time in nearly a month (26 days) that the temperature hasn't surpassed 90 degrees.
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temperature → surpass → degrees
I mean, it's still 85.
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it → mean → ?
Fun fact: just last week, the largest heat dome on planet Earth was centered right over my home state of Tennessee.
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dome → center → Tennessee
I'll let this guy tell you all about it:
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guy → let → it
Man, I'm doing so much whining you'd think I was Caleb Williams pulling a hamstring.
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I → do → hamstring
Point is, I am positively giddy about dropping temperatures, changing leaves, fall hiking and not drowning in a vat of my own sweat.
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I → drop → sweat
Hell, I might even burn a pumpkin candle — just to get all the haters riled up.
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haters → burn → candle
Speaking of haters, welcome to Tuesday Nightcaps, where Kristi Noem is taking some online heat for killing an animal.
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But first, we're talking running fashion.
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we → talk → fashion
Buckle in, kids, and let's do this thing.
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's → buckle → thing
Keely Hodgkinson debuts sexy new speedsuit
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Hodgkinson → debut → speedsuit
Keely Hodgkinson — an Olympic middle distance runner for Team Great Britain, in case you didn't know — turned some heads at the season-ending Athlos meet in North London on Friday.
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That's because, while all the other runners were decked out in their standard tiny bottoms and tanks, Keely rolled up in an all black, full-body catsuit.
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Keely → deck → catsuit
Excuse me, it's a "zero-distraction speed suit," according to Nike.
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I personally feel a little vindicated by Keely's look.
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I → feel → look
In the handful of distance races I've done, the "serious" runners always say to me, "How do you run in leggings?!"
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As if I might as well tape concrete blocks to my feet while I'm at it.
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I → tape → it
And my answer is always the same: how do you NOT run in leggings?
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you → run → leggings
See, the way my thighs are set up, running long distance in a pair of shorty shorts would just mean punching a one-way ticket to Chafe-town.
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running → see → town
Granted, I'm just a casual neighborhood runner — not an Olympic sprinter.
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So what do I know?
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This reminds me of that time a couple of years ago when Nike debuted its Team USA track and field kits for the Paris Olympics.
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Nike → remind → Olympics
The internet freaked out over the "sexist" designs meant to sexualize female track and field athletes instead of equipping them with comfortable and appropriate attire to compete.
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internet → freak → attire
Turns out, though, what actually happened is that Nike offered the women about 20 different combinations of a uniform — with tops and bottoms of various lengths.
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Nike → turn → lengths
The ladies even had the option of wearing the men's kit if it would make them more comfortable.
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them → have → kit
It just so happens, though, that nearly all the female athletes chose to wear the tiny bikini and sports bra combo.
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athletes → happen → combo
As social media outrage tends to be.
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outrage → tend → ?
I digress.
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Keely is having none of those front-wedgie-inducing underwears.
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And I don't blame her one bit.
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She won the women's 800-meter event wearing that catsuit, by the way.
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Kristi Noem bags a massive elk
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First, she was ousted from her role as DHS Secretary.
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she → oust → Secretary
…and 44 more, not listed.
The Aporia
