The only thing Donald Trump hates more than media coverage is no coverage.
asserted
Trump → hat → coverage
His brain is a funhouse in which gremlins ride unicycles while shouting, “FAKE NEWS!”
asserted
gremlins → ride → NEWS
On Sept. 18, in a surprisingly low move even by his Mariana Trench depths, Trump banned CNN, MS NOW and Politico from the White House.
asserted
Trump → ban → House
The next morning, when journalists from those outlets attempted to pass through security, they were stopped by Secret Service agents.
asserted
they → attempt → agents
Hard passes were confiscated.
asserted
passes → confiscate → ?
Buh-byes were uttered.
asserted
byes → utter → ?
Newshounds branded with a scarlet letter were treated like wedding crashers outside the Taylor & Travis extravaganza.
asserted
Newshounds → brand → extravaganza
With the EU sliding into our DMs, it’s time to block America on Instagram and embrace a new relationship.
asserted
it → slide → relationship
With the EU sliding into our DMs, it’s time to block America on Instagram and embrace a new relationship.
asserted
it → slide → relationship
On Sept. 21, the three media organizations filed a lawsuit against the White House for violating the First Amendment.
asserted
organizations → file → Amendment
Then something remarkable happened: the five networks that take turns providing daily pool coverage of the president’s every move turned off the cameras.
asserted
that → happen → cameras
CNN was the designated pool provider for Monday.
asserted
CNN → designate → Monday
After it was banned, the other four networks — NBC, CBS, ABC and Fox News — basically said they would not be scabs.
asserted
they → ban → ?
This unexpected blackout probably freaked out Trump.
asserted
blackout → freak → Trump
The banner had become the banned.
asserted
banner → become → ?
He didn’t see that one coming.
asserted
one → see → ?
Let Natalie Harp document her Messiah on an iPhone.
asserted
Harp → let → iPhone
The result of Trump’s bonkers ban could be instantly measured in production values.
uncertain
result → measure → values
At a ribbon-cutting ceremony on Monday for his new helipad, the mechanical roar of Marine One drowned out his improv.
asserted
roar → cut → improv
Without boom mics and network audio engineers, Trump was reduced to a fluttering balloon mascot outside a used-car dealership: his gums were flapping, yes, but nobody could hear the words coming out of his mouth.
uncertain
nobody → reduce → mouth
With no pool coverage for the first time since the Eisenhower era, the White House promoted “Trump TV” on YouTube.
asserted
House → promote → YouTube
Are you an insomniac who wants to watch an 80-year-old fall asleep during cabinet meetings?
asserted
old → want → meetings
How about a deranged soliloquy on whether it’s better to get devoured by sharks or electrocuted on a sinking boat?
asserted
it → ’ → boat
The first hearing in the lawsuit is scheduled for Wednesday.
asserted
hearing → schedule → Wednesday
It’s possible a judge will quickly overturn this unconstitutional ban.
asserted
judge → ’ → ban
That might be the best possible outcome for President Dipstick, a broken man of deep ignorance who keeps face-planting into the law of unintended consequences.
uncertain
who → keep → consequences
Normal humans need water and oxygen to survive.
asserted
humans → need → water
Trump dies if he is not on TV.
asserted
he → die → TV
He once forced aides on Air Force One to switch channels from the World Series so he could watch Fox lickspittles lavish him with false flattery.
uncertain
lickspittles → force → flattery
Trump was caught on camera during July 4 festivities this summer watching himself on TV.
asserted
Trump → catch → TV
His ego needs a constant feedback loop.
asserted
ego → need → loop
The solipsism comes with a spray tan.
asserted
solipsism → come → tan
This gives the networks a superpower.
asserted
This → give → superpower
On Day 1 of zero pool coverage, Trump started to flicker and fade from public imagination.
asserted
Trump → start → imagination
Not seeing him on TV makes it easier to forget him.
asserted
it → see → him
I noticed an uptick in stories about Ukraine, AI, El Niño, Sydney Sweeney.
asserted
I → notice → Ukraine
I felt a frisson of Zen.
asserted
I → feel → Zen
Is this what life in 2029 will feel like?
asserted
life → feel → 2029
In the interim, I’m not suggesting the media stop covering a lunatic who is destabilizing the world order.
asserted
who → suggest → order
But why do we need pool coverage documenting every minute inside his unnatural habitat?
asserted
we → need → habitat
…and 19 more, not listed.
The Aporia
