We’ve all been hurt by people, sometimes in a relatively small, passing way, but occasionally not, and that can lead to deeply significant suffering and even trauma.
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that → hurt → suffering
Not very long ago an influential man who was widely considered to be deeply ethical and spiritual was revealed to have behaved extremely badly.
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who → consider → ?
My initial reaction was a morbid satisfaction and glee, a form of schadenfreude, because I’d seen the other side of him and been personally stung by the man.
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I → see → man
I tried to convince myself that in this case my feelings were justified and that my response was righteous and fair.
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response → try → case
But that sort of twisted logic just won’t do.
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sort → do → logic
Apart from anything else, this attitude didn’t change him but it did change me.
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it → change → me
It diminished me, narrowed me, made me seem callous.
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me → diminish → me
So, I reached out to him as an old acquaintance, asking if there was anything I could do.
uncertain
I → reach → acquaintance
It was through a third party so I’m not sure he ever knew about it.
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he → ’m → it
I certainly didn’t receive a reply.
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I → receive → reply
Forgiving someone who is broken and can no longer do you any harm is different from forgiving someone who is still active and successful, but I can think of several people who come into that category.
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who → forgive → category
I’ve tried with all of them to build bridges but to no avail.
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I → try → avail
So, when St. Paul wrote, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads” he should have added that it doesn’t work with everybody!
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it → write → everybody
Your decency might expose their wrongdoing and lead to enemies becoming friends but not always.
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enemies → expose → wrongdoing
I’ve an idea they despise you all the more.
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they → ’ve → you
Because forgiveness, and accepting forgiveness, requires self-reflection and we’re living in an era where self-reflection is regarded as weakness.
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reflection → accept → weakness
It’s so much easier to continue to lash out and appear tough and if we’re being honest, it does provide a temporary satisfaction.
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it → ’ → satisfaction
Thing is, the hit doesn’t last very long.
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hit → last → ?
Consider the mass attacks initiated by tabloid-type media, which extends far beyond actual tabloids, that are so prevalent in our culture and discourse.
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that → consider → culture
Name, shame and condemn, whether the target is a mass murderer or merely someone who has broken a contrived taboo.
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who → name → taboo
It’s a problem with all ideological perspectives, all political sides.
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It → ’ → perspectives
The left finds someone who is insufficiently critical of Israel or ambivalent about trans issues, the right discovers an activist who made a violently anti-conservative remark five years ago or a politician who accidentally shared a platform with a criminal.
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who → find → criminal
I boycott therefore I am.
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I → boycott → ?
We’re the good guys
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We → ’re → ?
What lies beneath all this performative nonsense is the implicit belief that we’re not like them, we’re better, we’re the good guys.
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we → lie → them
There are, of course, genuinely bad people out there but much of the time all this says more about the screamer than the screamed at.
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this → be → the
It’s all been further empowered by a social media that can be innocuous and fun, even helpful, but is now so dominated by AI and organized malice that it distorts the public conversation.
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it → empower → conversation
It doesn’t reflect life but perverts it and it’s getting worse rather than better.
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it → reflect → it
Which brings me back to forgiveness and refusing to be pleased at someone’s demise.
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Which → bring → demise
It’s harder to do than you might think but I strongly urge people in public life — politicians, performers, priests, pundits — to consider enlightened self-interest if nothing else, because the dragon does have this habit of eating its own.
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dragon → ’ → own
The person I mentioned at the start of this column was once revered and was a hero and darling to some important people.
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I → mention → people
I wonder if he now reflects on it all, questions his behaviour, regrets his actions and most of all tries to repair the damage.
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he → wonder → damage
Good God, I hope so.
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I → hope → ?
The Aporia
