“Ok, but I’m not going to everybody’s bloody birthday and everybody’s bloody brunch,” I huffed, my begrudging condition on agreeing to move back to London after five years in the wilds of rural Somerset.
asserted
I → go → Somerset
“And it’s only for a year, while we figure out our next move.”
asserted
we → ’ → move
Then, four days after being back: “I’m so glad we’re here!
asserted
we → ’m → ?
Let’s make this permanent!”
asserted
this → let → ?
It helped that I’d not had a single invite to a birthday or brunch.
asserted
I → help → birthday
We’d moved to Somerset in December 2020, after saying in May of that year, “Wouldn’t it be nice to have a bit of peace and space?”
uncertain
it → move → peace
It was a common reaction to suddenly working from home, when the strains of lockdown included not only global uncertainty but the neighbours’ Duolingo triumphs and Zoom family quizzes floating over garden fences.
asserted
strains → work → fences
After 15 years in London, I’d already been tiring of the treadmill: gym, office, out, meal prep, bed, repeat.
asserted
I → tire → treadmill
And then there were the birthdays and brunches, an endless rota of social obligations that I could never quite find a convincing way to get out of.
uncertain
I → be → way
I wanted a calmer life.
asserted
I → want → life
And, gloriously, I got one.
asserted
I → get → one
Life became as insular and simple as I’d wanted
I quickly settled into Somerset’s rhythm: dog walk, video call, dog walk, dinner, television.
asserted
I → become → rhythm
The nearest decent restaurant was half an hour away in Glastonbury, so we rarely went out.
asserted
we → go → Glastonbury
We made friends in our village, meeting occasionally at the nearest pub, a 10-minute drive from home.
asserted
We → make → home
Life became as insular and simple as I’d wanted.
asserted
I → become → ?
But somewhere along the way, without noticing, I started to lose my sense of self, retreating inwards.
asserted
I → notice → self
And, conveniently, London was three hours away, which was an excellent excuse not to attend any of those brunches.
asserted
which → attend → brunches
We’d bought somewhere considerably bigger than we needed with a one-acre orchard because I’d got into Gardeners’ World during Lockdown One and mistaken watching Monty Don for possessing horticultural ability.
asserted
I → buy → ability
I soon discovered that gardening is just housework, but outdoors.
asserted
gardening → discover → ?
I had no aptitude for it.
asserted
I → have → it
The kale I optimistically planted went to seed almost as quickly as I did.
asserted
I → plant → seed
Consumed by renovations, housekeeping and my day job, I rarely changed out of my tracksuit bottoms.
asserted
I → consume → bottoms
No one could see them on Zoom and the local sheep didn’t seem to mind.
uncertain
sheep → see → Zoom
I had more space, more time and considerably fewer reasons to put on trousers
Slowly, my standards slipped.
asserted
standards → have → trousers
I stopped paying for decent haircuts, working out and having Botox.
asserted
I → stop → Botox
I had entered a sort of sheep-approved level of grooming.
asserted
I → enter → grooming
My wardrobe became increasingly governed by the question: “Will anyone actually see me?”
asserted
anyone → govern → me
And, for a while, this felt wonderful.
asserted
this → feel → while
I had escaped the treadmill.
asserted
I → escape → treadmill
I had more space, more time and considerably fewer reasons to put on trousers.
asserted
I → have → trousers
But somewhere between the dog walks and the box sets, I realised that I was becoming a slob.
asserted
I → realise → walks
And the annoying thing was, I quite liked it.
asserted
I → like → it
Which made moving back to London rather more complicated than simply returning to the city I’d once been desperate to leave.
asserted
I → make → city
We were unexpectedly offered a price we couldn’t refuse on the house we were still doing up by a woman who’d always loved its exterior, and so quickly packed up our things.
asserted
who → offer → things
I was keen to stay down there but we couldn’t find a home to rent and, well, London would be more convenient for a short time now that work in the summer of 2025 was back to being IRL.
asserted
work → stay → 2025
We’d return cautiously and house hunt in Somerset from there.
asserted
We → return → Somerset
London through fresh eyes
Except the Waterloo we left was very different from Waterloo now, where we’d found a rental four streets away from my old flat.
asserted
we → leave → flat
Elephant and Castle had rebranded as Elephant Park — it now had a Gail’s, for crying out loud — and on our second night we strolled down for jerk chicken and ice cream.
asserted
we → rebrande → chicken
I’d actually done my hair and worn real clothes.
asserted
I → do → clothes
I felt like a human in a way I hadn’t realised I hadn’t been feeling for most of my time away.
asserted
I → feel → time
…and 12 more, not listed.
The Aporia
