I have a friend with whom I’ve shared two decades of friendship.
asserted
I → have → friendship
I love her and think she’s an interesting, funny and warm person.
asserted
she → love → her
We have weathered several personal storms and support each other.
asserted
We → weather → other
But for some reason, I leave every encounter feeling as though I was invisible.
asserted
I → leave → encounter
It’s not as though she talks and talks, but even though I am engaged in the conversation, I end up feeling as though we didn’t discuss anything about me or my life.
asserted
we → ’ → me
I talked to one of our mutual friends about it and she didn’t agree with me.
asserted
she → talk → me
She said that when we’re all together, the conversation is a continuous flow, and everyone gets a chance to speak.
asserted
everyone → say → chance
I told her to pay closer attention next time we were together.
asserted
we → tell → attention
That just recently happened and after our night, the mutual friend called on her way home and was incredulous that I had been right!
asserted
I → happen → way
That somehow, even though we three were all engaged in conversation, this friend never asked about us, and our lives never got discussed.
asserted
lives → engage → us
It wasn’t my intent to upset this mutual friend, but now she’s up in arms.
asserted
she → upset → arms
How can I calm her down but also highlight the issue for the friend in question?
asserted
I → calm → question
Her anger isn’t going to help the situation.
asserted
anger → go → situation
Then make a date with your self-centred friend and tell her you have something important you need to discuss.
asserted
you → make → something
Without making a game of it, see how long it takes her to ask you why you called the meeting and what the important issue is.
asserted
issue → make → meeting
Then tell her how you’re feeling.
asserted
you → tell → her
She may simply not realize she’s doing it.
uncertain
she → realize → it
Tell her you cherish the friendship but you’re feeling lost in her life, and unimportant in her world.
asserted
you → tell → world
If she’s apologetic, shows remorse, give her another chance.
asserted
she → ’ → chance
However, if she doesn’t agree, or gets defensive, or shows no concern, it may be time to wrap it up.
uncertain
it → agree → it
You have other friends, and you know how to nurture your friendships.
asserted
you → have → friendships
I moved into a fun apartment complex last year, with my dog and young daughter.
asserted
I → move → dog
Almost every apartment is a family of some configuration, and many have young kids.
asserted
many → have → kids
My daughter has made numerous friends and is very happy there.
asserted
daughter → make → friends
There’s always a game of some kind happening in the backyard, and friendly adults willing to help in any way you can imagine.
asserted
you → ’ → way
My first week in, I had a plumbing issue.
asserted
I → have → issue
While waiting for a plumber to arrive, my neighbour offered to take a look and fixed the problem.
asserted
neighbour → wait → problem
Turns out he is a plumber, so I cancelled the call.
asserted
I → turn → call
Two months into our stay, I had to run out last-minute to get my daughter some medicine, and had her bundled up for the ride, when another elderly neighbour was just walking in from grabbing a coffee and offered to watch her for the 20 minutes it took to run to the pharmacy and back.
asserted
it → have → pharmacy
My brother thinks I’m too trusting and should watch my back.
asserted
I → think → back
I can’t answer that.
asserted
I → answer → that
You need to think first and foremost of your child’s health, safety and well-being.
asserted
You → need → health
If it feels good, it probably is.
asserted
it → feel → ?
But take baby steps, especially when it comes to leaving your child with people you don’t know well.
asserted
you → take → people
Trust is something people need to earn.
asserted
people → need → ?
Reader: “A few summers ago, when my mother-in-law was 90 and living almost two hours away from us, she hit the crisis we’d been predicting for quite some time.
asserted
we → live → time
Over the years, I’d asked her to start considering what her next moves might be, not to actually move, but thinking about what she would like.
uncertain
she → ask → what
That way, she would have choices.
asserted
she → have → choices
“The health crisis came and her physician told her it was time to move.
asserted
it → come → her
She was unable to really participate in the packing, culling and selling of her house, not to mention the selection of her next residence.
asserted
She → participate → residence
…and 4 more, not listed.
The Aporia
