Recently, I turned 60.
asserted
I → turn → 60
The centrepiece of celebrations that seemed to last forever was a Blue Mountains weekend with 40 friends and family.
asserted
that → seem → friends
Maybe not quite as much as there would have been a couple of decades ago, but the grog flowed nonetheless.
asserted
grog → flow → decades
I didn’t drink.
asserted
I → drink → ?
And, as of this month, I haven’t picked up a drink for a year.
asserted
I → pick → year
Had you run the concept of a dry birthday by me a year or so ago, I’d have thought you were taking the piss.
asserted
you → run → piss
Not giving it a nudge, bending the elbow or smashing a few cheeky chardies on the one occasion you’re given a gold-plated licence to let loose?
asserted
you → give → licence
But for the whole weekend I was fuelled only by mineral water and ginger beer.
asserted
I → fuel → water
I laughed until my belly ached, had animated chats, went trail running and spent the entire time surrounded by people I love.
asserted
I → laugh → people
I didn’t feel like I was on the outer or being forced to endure the occasion as a sober observer.
asserted
I → feel → observer
I was entirely present and, afterwards, I could remember every minute.
uncertain
I → remember → minute
That weekend crystallised something that had been slowly coming into focus ever since I stopped drinking.
asserted
I → crystallise → focus
For all my adult life, alcohol has been taking undeserved credit for a whole lot of feelings and experiences.
asserted
alcohol → take → feelings
The joy of that weekend came from connecting with wonderful people.
asserted
joy → come → people
It wasn’t something that could be uncorked.
uncertain
that → uncork → ?
What I’ve slowly understood is that alcohol’s hold over me was built on fear, which is why giving it away has always seemed so far out of reach.
asserted
giving → understand → reach
There was the fear that without it I’d be less funny, less confident and less connected; that celebrations would fall flat, and all colour would be drained from life.
asserted
colour → be → life
Life’s tough enough as it is – what’s the point if you can’t at least have a drink to take the edge off?
asserted
you → ’ → edge
It’s one big, fat, boozy lie.
asserted
It → ’ → ?
And it’s taken me more than 40 years to see through it.
asserted
it → take → it
Maybe I’m just a slow learner.
asserted
I → ’m → ?
My drinking “career” kicked off when I was about 15.
asserted
I → kick → ?
Growing up in South Yorkshire in the 1980s, pub culture was at the centre of just about everything.
asserted
culture → grow → everything
In our small town alone there were a dozen or more boozers, with their interiors hidden from the street behind curtains and frosted glass.
asserted
interiors → be → curtains
The riches beyond lay tantalisingly out of reach for those of us in our early teens.
asserted
riches → lie → teens
Inside there was fun, laughter, connection and, of course, girls.
asserted
fun → be → course
I can recall getting a brief glimpse inside one of these forbidden palaces when an older brother smuggled me in at the age of 12 or 13.
asserted
brother → recall → 12
It all seemed impossibly glamorous and grown-up.
asserted
It → seem → ?
They were clearly living their best lives, and I wanted in as soon as possible.
asserted
I → live → lives
In the end I didn’t have to wait too long.
asserted
I → have → end
As long as you behaved yourself, didn’t look too outrageously young and stood your round, you were welcome in most pubs.
asserted
you → behave → pubs
I well remember the landlady of my local insisting on buying me a pint to celebrate my 16th birthday – I’d already been a regular in the public bar for a year or so.
asserted
I → remember → year
Looking back, what strikes me most is how inevitable it was.
asserted
it → look → me
Nobody had to persuade me to drink; the culture had already done its job.
asserted
culture → have → job
I was desperate to get on the grog.
asserted
I → get → grog
Veronica Valli, a psychotherapist, host of the popular Soberful podcast and author of Soberful: Uncover a Sustainable, Fulfilling Life Free of Alcohol (her book and podcast have been a big part in helping me get and stay sober), says that in countries such as Australia and Britain, the assumption remains deeply embedded that becoming an adult is synonymous with starting to drink.
asserted
becoming → uncover → Australia
“Unless you grow up in a particular religion, or perhaps with a serious health problem, it’s assumed you’re going to drink,” she says.
asserted
she → grow → problem
“It’s assumed you’re going to get a driving licence, get a job and drink alcohol.
asserted
you → assume → alcohol
“When you’re a teenager it just seems like the key to adulthood.
asserted
it → ’re → adulthood
And the consequences are deliberately obscured.
asserted
consequences → obscure → ?
…and 57 more, not listed.
The Aporia
