Never in history have single people had access to so many potential romantic partners.
asserted
people → have → partners
A generation ago, most Americans met people through the ordinary institutions of life.
asserted
Americans → meet → life
They met in person at college or church or were introduced in a coffee shop or bar.
asserted
They → meet → shop
Today, a single person can open an app and, within minutes, encounter more potential dates than either set of grandparents would have in their lifetimes.
asserted
set → open → lifetimes
Dating apps took off as marriage was already becoming less common.
asserted
marriage → take → ?
Many thought that such optionality would make finding a husband or wife easier, but instead, marriage became rarer.
asserted
marriage → think → husband
The annual marriage rate has fallen 31% since 2000.
asserted
rate → fall → 2000
It’s dropped 65% since 1970.
asserted
It → drop → 1970
The apps did not cause that collapse, but we should ask whether technology designed to make finding someone easier may also be creating habits that actually make it harder.
uncertain
it → cause → habits
To understand the problem, we should start with the business model.
asserted
we → understand → model
A dating app succeeds when people keep using it.
asserted
people → succeed → it
A marriage succeeds when two people hopefully never need the app again.
asserted
people → succeed → app
Success for the couple means the loss of two customers for the company.
asserted
Success → mean → company
That does not mean dating companies are necessarily conspiring to keep people single.
asserted
companies → mean → people
Plenty of Americans have met their spouses online.
asserted
Plenty → meet → spouses
But there is an obvious tension between a business that benefits from continued engagement and a customer whose ultimate goal is to stop using the product forever.
asserted
goal → be → product
The bigger question is what happens to us while we are using it.
asserted
we → happen → it
Dating apps take enormously complicated human beings and turn them into profiles.
asserted
apps → take → profiles
A photograph appears alongside a few pieces of information, and someone can be dismissed within seconds.
asserted
someone → appear → seconds
Another possibility immediately takes that person’s place.
asserted
possibility → take → place
Dating begins to look remarkably like shopping.
asserted
Dating → begin → shopping
Anyone who shops online knows the trap.
asserted
who → shop → trap
You find something you like, but before buying it, you check another page.
asserted
you → find → page
More choice was supposed to make choosing easier, yet suddenly, you are less certain about the choice in front of you.
asserted
you → suppose → you
That instinct becomes destructive when applied to human relationships.
asserted
instinct → become → relationships
The problem is not simply that people become more selective.
asserted
people → become → ?
It is that every potential partner is evaluated against someone who might be better but has not yet appeared.
uncertain
who → evaluate → someone
Why settle now when another swipe could reveal a better option?
uncertain
swipe → settle → option
Marriage asks something completely different of us.
asserted
Marriage → ask → us
At some point, dating has to stop being about evaluating possibilities and become a decision about a person.
asserted
dating → have → person
Marriage means saying, “I have chosen.”
asserted
I → mean → ?
Our technology has become extraordinarily good at keeping the possibilities coming.
asserted
possibilities → become → ?
Research is beginning to show that these apps are making it harder for people to make the choice.
asserted
people → begin → choice
The problem is compounded because many of the traditional institutions that once helped people choose have weakened.
asserted
people → compound → institutions
Families used to play a larger role in introductions, while churches created communities in which relationships developed over time.
asserted
relationships → use → time
Those arrangements were hardly perfect, but they offered something an algorithm struggles to provide: the knowledge of someone’s character and the feeling that ghosting someone has actual consequences.
asserted
ghosting → offer → consequences
A profile tells you what a person wants you to know.
asserted
you → tell → what
A community sees the person when he is not on a date, not on his best behavior.
asserted
he → see → behavior
Over time, people discover whether someone keeps his word and how he behaves when there is nothing to gain.
asserted
he → discover → word
Character becomes visible through ordinary life in a way it never can through photographs and prompts selected for a dating profile.
asserted
it → become → profile
…and 18 more, not listed.
The Aporia
