My husband and I recently put in a low-ball offer, just shy of $700,000 on the three-bedroom San Diego fixer-upper we’re currently renting.
asserted
we → put → upper
It has no garage, no air conditioning, no GFCI outlets, drywall rot, drainage problems and such a significant need for updates that my relatives outside California think we’ve lost our minds.
asserted
we → have → minds
Appalled that a six-figure income doesn’t always translate into homeownership in California, my extended family is staging a housing intervention.
asserted
family → translate → intervention
One cousin sent me a listing for a five-bedroom house with an adjacent full-size barn in the Midwest.
asserted
cousin → send → Midwest
We could complete any necessary repairs and buy it outright with just the money we’ve saved for our down payment!
uncertain
we → complete → payment
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asserted
Report → start → news
Meanwhile, my brother never fails to point out the beautiful homes, with five times the square footage as ours, that we could purchase in their fancy Dallas suburb.
uncertain
we → fail → suburb
Another cousin, living in France, started sending me videos comparing literal castles and chateaus in Europe to the similar prices of run-down North American properties.
asserted
cousin → live → properties
After watching one with me, she laughed.
asserted
she → watch → me
“This sounds like your house.”
asserted
This → sound → house
What disturbs me most isn’t that my family’s intervention is justified.
asserted
intervention → disturb → me
What’s crazy is that I still want the San Diego condo.
asserted
I → ’ → condo
After all, we only have a little mold.
asserted
we → have → mold
And even better, our lead paint has been successfully hidden under decades of repaints!
asserted
paint → hide → repaints
Then I shake myself, wondering when I drank the California Kool-Aid.
asserted
I → shake → Aid
How did those of us who live here recalibrate our definition of “normal” so thoroughly?
asserted
who → live → definition
I grew up in coastal California, but it wasn’t until I moved back as an adult that I became acutely aware of the housing crisis.
asserted
I → grow → crisis
At first, my husband and I spent years waiting for the seemingly inevitable housing crash.
asserted
husband → spend → crash
Everyone told us that these prices couldn’t last.
asserted
prices → tell → us
We kept our down payment liquid and waited.
asserted
We → keep → payment
Now, more than a decade later, our financial adviser is shaking his head, begging us to move our money into higher-return investments.
asserted
adviser → shake → investments
But now that our landlord is finally selling and our family of six has to move otherwise, we’re finally attempting to buy into the market we thought would eventually become less ridiculous.
asserted
we → sell → market
I’m not the only one doing bizarre housing calculations.
asserted
I → ’m → calculations
Most other parents I know don’t blink at spending over $5,000 a month to house their family.
asserted
I → know → family
Then there are my friends’ adult children who can’t afford to fly the coop.
asserted
who → be → coop
Many of my neighbors live in homes where multiple generations squish into too-small spaces.
asserted
generations → live → spaces
At least I feel compensated by the village green surrounded by palm trees, where my kids can play.
asserted
kids → compensate → trees
It is an embodied reality shaping how we work, raise children, date, retire and share space.
We organize our lives around expensive housing so thoroughly that it has become a cultural norm.
asserted
it → embody → housing
Californians have officially graduated to be like New Yorkers, Londoners and Parisians, who gripe about living in spaces the size of walk-in closets, but are content to do so to keep the lifestyle they want.
asserted
they → graduate → lifestyle
Meanwhile, I ask myself why I’m not making an offer on one of the potentially wonderful homes my family sent me.
asserted
family → ask → me
My brain immediately supplies answers
asserted
brain → supply → answers
: In Europe, I’d face the challenge of being an immigrant.
asserted
I → face → challenge
And stateside, everywhere else seems to have cold winters and humid summers.
asserted
else → seem → winters
Would we survive?
asserted
we → survive → ?
Where would my husband get a job? What types of community are even available to people who live in European castles? Who would my kids make friends with and go to school with?
asserted
kids → get → school
Could we even belong somewhere else?
uncertain
we → belong → ?
Those willing to transplant outside California must be brave.
asserted
Those → transplant → California
For even when we know what our money could buy elsewhere, most of us stay.
uncertain
most → know → us
Uprooting the homes — jobs, children, communities and lifestyles — we’ve built in California carries its own cost.
asserted
we → uproot → cost
Most Californians I know can’t imagine leaving the state.
asserted
I → know → state
…and 5 more, not listed.
The Aporia
