There cannot have been many problems in Kathryn Benwell’s life that she did not believe herself capable of solving.
asserted
herself → believe → that
Grammar school-educated, fiercely intelligent and spectacularly successful, she had worked her way through the male-dominated world of banking to become a managing director at the American investment bank JP Morgan at a time when just 17 other women held the rank across Europe.
Hers was a world of high-stakes decision-making, transatlantic flights and the material trappings to match, from a beautiful village house in Kent to horses and a Range Rover on the drive.
asserted
Hers → educate → drive
I had the dream of a life,’ she says.
asserted
she → have → life
And yet, three years ago, this hugely capable woman would find herself lying in hospital with a broken back and ribs after being violently attacked by her husband – and still hesitating over whether to press charges.
asserted
herself → find → charges
‘I remember thinking, “I’m going to throw my husband in prison for this.
asserted
I → think → this
Is this really what I want to do?” ’ she recalls now.
asserted
she → want → what
It is perhaps the most chilling illustration imaginable of the psychological grip an abusive man can exert over his victim.
asserted
man → exert → victim
For by then, Kathryn had already been subjected to years of violence, on one occasion beaten so savagely that her nose and several bones in her face had been broken.
asserted
nose → subject → face
During what would prove to be that final attack, he had forced a bottle of wine down her throat so violently that she believed she was going to drown.
asserted
she → prove → throat
Kathryn Benwell says their romance developed quickly: within six months Mark had suggested he move into Kathryn’s stunning detached home on a village green near Sevenoaks, Kent
uncertain
he → say → Sevenoaks
‘Even then, I remember thinking at least it was white wine as it would be easier to clean out of the carpet so he wouldn’t be angry about the damage,’ she says.
asserted
she → think → damage
Today, looking back, Kathryn – a poised, articulate and glamorous 59-year-old – can see with painful clarity the textbook progression of the domestic abuse which almost destroyed her life: from the charm and love-bombing to the isolation and financial manipulation and, eventually, the terrifying physical violence.
asserted
which → look → isolation
At the time, however, she saw none of it.
asserted
she → see → it
And that is one reason she has taken part in a compelling true crime series Red Flag, which explores how toxic relationships unfold.
asserted
relationships → take → series
‘There were plenty of red flags from the beginning – it’s just I was totally naive to them.
asserted
I → be → them
I’d never been exposed to somebody like that,’ she says now.
asserted
she → expose → that
‘I was hugely professionally successful, but it was only once I was fully outside the relationship that I could comprehend the scope of what had happened.
uncertain
what → comprehend → scope
The person I had fallen in love with was a total sham.
asserted
I → fall → love
He didn’t exist.
asserted
He → exist → ?
Certainly, the man Kathryn fell for in 2013 seemed about as far removed from the stereotype of an abuser as she could imagine.
uncertain
she → fall → abuser
Then 47 and flying high at work, she was alone for the first time following the break-up of her marriage to her childhood sweetheart, the father of her two children, Thomas, now 36, and 32-year-old Holly.
asserted
she → fly → children
‘I’d had over 30 years of a loving, stable relationship, having been brought up in a loving middle-class family.
asserted
I → have → family
That’s what I knew,’ she says.
asserted
she → ’ → what
After venturing on to an internet dating site, she quickly found Mark – his surname cannot be given for legal reasons – a handsome, blue-eyed, 6ft 4in property developer whose profile was as compelling as his appearance.
asserted
profile → venture → appearance
‘He said he had written poetry and seemed very thoughtful about life,’ she says.
asserted
she → say → life
The pair met at a local pub and hit it off immediately.
asserted
pair → meet → it
‘We chatted for over four hours.
asserted
We → chat → hours
I thought he was a gentleman.
asserted
he → think → ?
He really sold himself on that fact and I had no reason to doubt him.’
asserted
I → sell → him
And certainly, at first, that seemed to be the case.
asserted
that → seem → ?
Mark, like Kathryn a divorcee, opened car doors, held her hand and made sure that when they walked together, he was always on the outside of the pavement.
asserted
he → open → pavement
A motorbike-riding rugby player, he was also ‘alpha off the scale’.
asserted
he → rid → scale
‘I thought he was going to protect me in life,’ she says.
asserted
she → think → life
Their romance developed quickly: within six months Mark had suggested he move into Kathryn’s stunning detached home on a village green near Sevenoaks, Kent.
uncertain
he → develop → Sevenoaks
There had, she now admits, been warning signs by then that Mark was not always a ‘gentleman’.
asserted
Mark → admit → ?
‘He had terrible road rage.
asserted
He → have → rage
I didn’t like those behaviours, but I loved him so much I just ignored them.
asserted
I → like → them
Nor did Mark appear to have any money, despite his apparent professional success.
‘He had a big house, but he was in arrears on his mortgage, owed the taxman and drove an old car.
asserted
he → appear → car
So from very early on I was bailing him out,’ says Kathryn.
asserted
Kathryn → bail → him
There were tensions, too, with her children, then 23 and 19 – and in Holly’s case still living at home, while her brother was at university – who were unconvinced by the sudden arrival of Mark into their mother’s life.
asserted
who → be → life
…and 86 more, not listed.
The Aporia
