I have a friend who lives across the country with her husband, four kids, two dogs and a pet rabbit.
asserted
who → have → husband
She lives in the middle of the country, a three-hour drive to the nearest airport.
asserted
She → live → airport
There’s a small town nearby where her children go to school and she can get groceries, but there’s not much else going on around her.
asserted
she → ’ → her
I’m a city girl.
asserted
I → ’m → ?
I like that I can walk in any direction from my house and in under five minutes I can find coffee, basic groceries and several different types of cuisine.
asserted
I → like → cuisine
I can walk to museums, art galleries and multiple different movie theatres.
asserted
I → walk → museums
I like that when I walk down the street, I see people of every origin and hear several different languages spoken.
asserted
I → like → languages
I am never bored in my city because there’s something exciting to do every single day.
asserted
I → ’ → city
My friend is upset with me because she says, and she’s correct, I never come to visit her.
asserted
I → say → her
My argument she never comes to visit me is met with, “Yes, but you’re single and I have a large family and animals.”
asserted
I → come → family
How do I tell her I have absolutely no interest in making the trek to nowhere?
asserted
I → tell → trek
Look into her eyes while you talk to her.
asserted
you → look → her
Is she happy, content and simply missing you?
asserted
she → miss → you
Does she just want to share her life with you, have you meet her kids (and her dogs and rabbit), and see her world?
asserted
you → want → world
Or is she in trouble, as in, is she unhappy and needing you?
asserted
she → need → you
Either way, find a time when you can get out there, even just for a long weekend.
asserted
you → find → weekend
Years ago I heard someone give out three guidelines on how to tell if something was important.
asserted
something → hear → guidelines
In reverse order they are: first, something requires a significant investment.
asserted
something → require → investment
Second, if it will establish or reinforce your reputation, professional or personal.
asserted
it → establish → reputation
This is most important when people aren’t looking; integrity cannot be taken, it is sold or given away and never recovered.
asserted
it → look → ?
If you want to be a good spouse, a good parent, a good, valued colleague, then act like one especially when no one is looking.
asserted
one → want → one
Since everyone makes mistakes or falls short from time to time, a key component is how you respond when that happens.
asserted
that → make → time
The last is the most important and the one people fail on the most.
asserted
people → fail → ?
Something is important if it’s important to someone who is important to you.
asserted
who → ’ → you
If you tell your spouse something is important to you, and they dismiss it, they are sending you a message.
asserted
they → tell → message
No matter how much they justify it, and they will, your spouse is telling you that you are not important.
asserted
you → justify → you
My spouse wonders why she is twice divorced, has a string of broken relationships and is estranged from her daughter.
asserted
she → wonder → daughter
The one thing she is absolutely sure of is rightness, and she feels absolutely justified.
asserted
she → feel → ?
Conversely, she is terribly afraid of dying alone or that I would remarry.
asserted
I → die → ?
I’ve been married twice; I don’t care what statistics say, I have no interest in signing up to do it again.
asserted
I → marry → it
The answer to your non-question is you and your wife need to get to a marriage counsellor to talk about your relationship.
asserted
you → need → relationship
And, from your description, she would benefit from her own therapist.
asserted
she → benefit → therapist
As Dr. Phil is famous for asking, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?”
asserted
you → ask → ?
Her self-righteousness is damaging any personal connections she has/had.
asserted
she → damage → connections
I hope you find joy.
asserted
you → hope → joy
“My gut knotted as I read about the daughter that didn’t or wouldn’t say thank you.
asserted
that → knot → you
She went through the whole sullen, long black leather coat, anti-social stage.
asserted
She → go → stage
“She’s AuDHD but not diagnosed until 40.
asserted
She → ’ → 40
So much of her life gone because I never suspected her rudeness was actually her real self — unmasked, struggling.
asserted
rudeness → go → life
“Without knowing more about this young girl, I’d suggest the parents take a holistic view of her behaviours, schooling, social behaviours, physical flexibility and if there’s the slightest hint have a thorough testing for neurodiversity.
asserted
parents → know → neurodiversity
…and 4 more, not listed.
The Aporia
