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It was during her teenage years that Mary began to become anxious in social situations.
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Mary → publish → situations
It got so bad she developed depression and had to have time off school.
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she → get → school
By the time she started university, she avoided group settings altogether.
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she → start → settings
"I didn't join clubs and societies like others did," says Mary (not her real name).
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Mary → join → clubs
"I just thought nobody would want to get to know me.
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nobody → think → me
I didn't really make a single friend during my whole degree."
Mary's social anxiety was so bad that she was diagnosed as having social anxiety disorder - something that affects up to 12% of people, external at some point in their lives.
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that → make → lives
But plenty more report struggling more generally.
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plenty → report → ?
As students return to uni, we asked experts how to overcome these feelings whether in your first, or final year.
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we → return → year
A study by the University of Chichester found , externalmore than a fifth of university students face some kind of social anxiety during their studies – and it is linked to lower grades, poorer relationships and isolation.
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it → find → grades
For many, university marks the first time they have moved out of home – and the expectation is that they will quickly make friends.
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they → mark → friends
Mary, who went to the University of Exeter, says she did try.
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she → go → Exeter
"When I first got there I went to one society, but everybody was talking to each other and I had a sudden fear come over me.
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fear → get → me
I felt I wouldn't fit in and I went home.
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I → feel → ?
Signs you may be socially anxious
Mary describes her social anxiety as like an out of body experience.
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Mary → describe → experience
When she was talking to new people, heat would rise in her face and her hands would begin to tingle.
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hands → talk → face
"I'd almost feel myself separating from my body.
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myself → feel → body
I forgot how to form words," says Mary, who is now 25.
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who → forget → words
"After social situations I was often left with the sense that I'd done something awful.
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I → leave → something
I had an all-consuming feel of shame.
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I → have → shame
I kept thinking there was something fundamentally flawed in me."
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I → keep → me
Neil Greening, chair of the Social Anxiety Alliance UK, says this is a typical characteristic of people with social anxiety.
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this → say → anxiety
"People think they have a personality flaw.
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they → think → flaw
They internalise it rather than seeing it as a recognisable condition that they can get help for."
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they → internalise → help
The key thing to remember: It's fairly normal to feel a little shy or anxious when meeting new people, being in new situations or going for a job interview.
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It → remember → interview
Social anxiety is when it actually stops people doing things, Greening says.
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Greening → stop → things
For those with a clinical diagnosis it can have a debilitating impact like it did for Mary.
"
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it → have → Mary
It can be hard to admit to any form of social anxiety in a world where extrovertism and social confidence is generally admired.
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extrovertism → admit → world
Many people try to hide their social anxiety or use safety behaviours."
Signs someone may be socially anxious:
Keeping quiet
Giving short answers
Playing with a phone to avoid interacting
Always staying close to someone or staying on the edges of a group
Sticking to safe subjects of conversation like work
Greening says there is some evidence social anxiety is getting worse and that increased use of smartphones and remote working is contributing by "leading to less social interactions and increased levels of anxiety".
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use → try → anxiety
How to help yourself
Mary, who has moved on to do a postgraduate course, is now managing her social anxiety better.
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who → help → anxiety
After her undergraduate degree she got support from the NHS in the form of a talking therapy called CBT.
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she → get → therapy
It is considered the gold standard treatment for social anxiety and encourages people to re-frame their thoughts and change their behaviours.
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It → consider → behaviours
Prof David Clark, a psychologist at the University of Oxford, says he would like to see more people come forward for therapy but says people can also take steps to help themselves.
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people → say → themselves
The first step, he says, is to stop obsessive self-focus.
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he → say → focus
"People with social anxiety often monitor themselves constantly during social situations.
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People → monitor → situations
Am I blushing?
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I → blush → ?
Do I sound stupid?
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I → sound → ?
Do I look nervous?
"
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I → look → ?
Focus outwardly on the conversation, other person or your surroundings."
He says you also need to test your fears with behavioural experiments by asking a question in a meeting or saying something in a group and noticing what happens.
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what → focus → group
"People with social anxiety often assume negative outcomes – that they will embarrass themselves or think others will find them boring.
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them → assume → themselves
Testing that can help people break that.
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people → help → that
…and 13 more, not listed.
The Aporia
