By INGEBORG VAN LOTRINGEN
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asserted
that → update → site
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My sore joints and inability to remember anyone’s name may tell a different story, but my face doesn’t look 56 and neither does my body.
uncertain
body → make → story
Now post-menopausal, a vertiginous plummeting of my oestrogen – and therefore collagen levels – ought to have left me with dangly skin and deep grooves.
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plummeting → leave → skin
But the reckoning I expected around this age simply hasn’t materialised.
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I → expect → age
Sure enough, things are not quite what they used to be, with plump tautness making way for thinning crepiness in the weirdest of places – earlobes, inner elbows and that dip between your collarbones.
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tautness → use → collarbones
But I’m still beating Mother Nature in the visible ageing stakes, judging from the general air of surprise when I tell people my birth year.
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I → beat → year
People often ask me how I look so much younger – and part of my answer has proved somewhat controversial.
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part → ask → answer
Yes, I was lucky enough to inherit good genes from my dermally blessed dad.
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I → inherit → dad
And I’m not just imagining that: I’ve had several DNA tests that measure your propensity for genetic skin ageing and they routinely report that mine is below average, having me roughly at five years below my biological age.
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mine → imagine → age
I’ve cleansed, moisturised and SPF’d for most of my life, knowing that consistent preventative care is the key to long-term protection against the ravages of environmental (UV, pollution, partying, stress) skin ageing.
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care → cleanse → ageing
And there’s cheating: as a beauty journalist, I have access to the whole mushrooming gamut of cosmetic ‘tweakments’, though I’ve been careful on the uptake, knowing full well how easy it is to end up looking like a desperado.
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it → ’ → desperado
In fact, I’m roughly on a par with many of my peers in terms of ‘work’.
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I → ’m → work
Despite what people like to assume, for example, I have no fillers in my face and no Botox in my forehead (although I do have it in my neck, between my eyebrows to soften my angry frown, and in my top lip for minimal added fullness).
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I → like → fullness
'My sore joints and inability to remember anyone’s name may tell a different story, but my face doesn’t look 56 and neither does my body,' writes INGE VAN LOTRINGEN
'
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LOTRINGEN → remember → story
I think there’s a reason I look younger.
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I → think → ?
And, dare I say it, that’s simply because I haven’t had children – by choice'
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I → say → choice
Plus, don’t underestimate the youth-preserving powers of HRT, which I’ve been on for five years through the NHS.
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I → underestimate → NHS
But I think there’s another – far more contentious – reason I look younger.
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I → think → ?
And, dare I say it, that’s simply because I haven’t had children – by choice.
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I → say → choice
I never dreamed of or hoped for kids, and as the minimum a child deserves is to be its parents’ dearest wish, the topic was always a moot point for me and my husband.
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topic → dream → me
Of course, not having children put me in the minority among friends and colleagues.
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having → have → friends
And as I watched them accumulate babies, I also watched them change.
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them → watch → babies
Usually, their fresh-faced looks remained unaffected in their 30s, give or take the first haggard year with each newborn.
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looks → remain → newborn
But in their 40s, ageing seemed to accelerate.
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ageing → seem → 40s
Their wrinkles were more evident, their age spots were quicker to develop, while sagging jowls and a loosening neck were upon them years before I clocked anything vaguely similar in my own appearance.
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I → develop → appearance
And it wasn’t a case of me snickering at their bad luck behind my ageless hand – they noticed it themselves, squarely laying the blame for their crow’s feet at the feet of their offspring and the stress they’d caused them through the years.
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they → snicker → years
With an indulgent smile, naturally, but still.
My own gran, after giving birth to 13 children, died in her early 60s, and I always assumed her body was simply worn out by producing so many small humans.
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body → give → humans
Frankly, I don’t see how you’re not going to age ten years if you’re holding down a job while battling the education, childcare and healthcare systems.
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you → see → systems
Juggling all that alongside sleep deprivation, relationship challenges, school runs, bullies, teenage angst and social media threats would make my head explode with anxiety.
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head → juggle → anxiety
It’s not like a life without kids is free from similar stresses, but they don’t come with the weight of responsibility to solve them for someone who depends on you.
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who → ’ → you
My husband and I have always felt that not having children leaves you free to not quite grow up yourself.
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having → feel → you
We can selfishly imagine we’re still 25 and worry about nothing but ourselves and each other (aside from parents, friends, pets and the world, but let’s put that aside).
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’s → imagine → that
For one, it’s meant no major upheavals or feelings of neglect between us, still happily chugging along very much like we did 30 years ago.
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we → mean → us
No small children have ever joined us in bed (although the cat does).
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cat → join → bed
Life-affirming passions have been indulged without reservation: I’m sure I would have had something to say about my husband’s decades of racing classic cars, and he in turn about my years of jetting off to fabulous destinations, had we had kids – but we had no reason to cramp each other’s style.
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we → affirm → style
Arguments are thrashed out without delay or time to fester because of more important child-related issues.
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Arguments → thrash → issues
As for the big blows that have and will come – bereavements, financial insecurity, illness – we can be the rock of undivided attention the other one requires.
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one → have → attention
It all helps keep love and (perceived) youth alive.
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It → help → love
Of course having the time and disposable income for so-called ‘self-care’ is another major youth-preserving factor.
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having → have → care
It’s undeniable that the rigours of child-rearing - which can result in sleep loss, lack of time for exercise and poor nutrition - wind the clock forward for mothers'
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which → ’ → mothers
…and 58 more, not listed.
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