At the school pick-up on the first day of term, I looked like any other of the expensively dressed mothers in my new Miu Miu outfit.
asserted
I → look → outfit
I was keen to hear how my then three-year-old daughter Tilly had enjoyed her first day with her big brother.
asserted
daughter → hear → brother
So too the baby I was expecting in four months' time.
asserted
I → expect → time
But when the other mothers suggested we continue our chat in Starbucks, panic surged inside me and my hands grew clammy.
uncertain
hands → suggest → me
Tilly took the hand of her playmate and ran towards the coffee shop a few doors down.
asserted
Tilly → take → shop
But inside, I told the other mums I'd had too many coffees already and only ordered tap water.
asserted
I → tell → water
The truth was I was dying for a latte, but I didn't have the £3.50 on my card to buy it.
I looked like I lived an enviable lifestyle, with all the trappings my wealthy husband's salary could buy.
uncertain
salary → die → trappings
But behind closed doors, he ensured I never had any funds of my own.
asserted
I → ensure → own
Coffees with friends, let alone lunches or evening drinks, were out.
asserted
Coffees → let → friends
I was constantly turning down social invitations, which increased my sense of isolation.
asserted
which → turn → isolation
For over 20 years, my husband Simon, a 64-year-old banking analyst, has controlled me and my every move with money – or lack of it.
asserted
Simon → control → it
If I dare to protest, he stops payments into our joint account – my only access to cash.
asserted
he → dare → cash
Despite living in a six-bedroom, gated, detached house, my two youngest children are on free school meals and at our lowest point, we've even been forced to use food banks.
asserted
we → live → banks
Economic abuse, which is a criminal offence, involves the control of a partner or ex-partner's finances, restricting access to money or building up debt in a victim's name.
asserted
which → involve → name
It can also prevent the victim from working and staying connected to friends and family.
asserted
It → prevent → friends
Sarah Kingford said she realised she was being isolated from her friends and her husband tried to turn her family against her too
asserted
husband → say → her
According to the charity Surviving Economic Abuse, 95 per cent of women who experience domestic abuse report experiencing economic abuse.
uncertain
who → accord → abuse
And terrifyingly, one in six women in the UK has experienced financial abuse in a current or former relationship in the past year.
asserted
women → experience → year
In my own case, Simon wouldn't risk letting his 'trophy wife' out to catch the eye of another man.
asserted
Simon → risk → man
He worked out our expenses down to the last penny and would cover all our bills himself.
asserted
He → work → bills
He'd order the weekly Ocado delivery to avoid having to give me money that I might fritter away elsewhere.
uncertain
I → order → that
Even though we have been separated for seven years – since he was forcibly removed from our home after a domestic violence incident – his control over me has only escalated.
asserted
control → separate → me
I have repeatedly tried to divorce him but he warned that the children and I would never see another penny if I went through with it; that we'd be homeless and out on the street.
asserted
we → try → street
When we met in a bar when I was 38, I had a good career in fashion PR and owned a two-bed flat in west London.
asserted
I → meet → London
Jaw-droppingly handsome, easy-going and attentive, Simon wasted no time in asking me out on a date, and then another.
asserted
Simon → waste → date
On the third date, he proposed, and while it now sounds completely irrational, I accepted.
asserted
I → propose → date
Within six months, we were married and I was pregnant.
asserted
I → marry → months
He showered me with gifts and made me feel like the most special woman alive.
asserted
me → shower → woman
I've since learned that 'love bombing' is a textbook early indication of coercive control.
asserted
bombing → learn → control
He persuaded me to sell my flat and when we bought our £2.5million home, the mortgage was in his name.
asserted
mortgage → persuade → name
But instead of questioning it, I was grateful he was taking care of everything, especially when he said he'd take over all the utilities and maintenance costs.
asserted
he → question → utilities
Whatever I needed, I just had to ask.
asserted
I → need → Whatever
It all seemed too good to be true, and it was.
asserted
it → seem → ?
After our first child, a boy, was born, he made every decision right down to the food we ate and where we'd go on holiday.
asserted
we → bear → holiday
If I protested about his choice, he'd cancel.
asserted
he → protest → choice
Slowly I realised I was being isolated from my friends.
asserted
I → realise → friends
There was never any spare cash for me to go out with them on my own.
asserted
me → be → own
When I dared to confide in two of them, he accessed our messages and threatened them.
asserted
he → dare → them
He did his very best to turn my family against me, too, lying to them that I was having affairs.
asserted
I → do → affairs
Sarah says she has repeatedly tried to divorce Simon but he warned that she and the children would never see another penny if Sarah went through with it
When our son was eight months old, he stopped me from returning to work (and relative independence) by claiming he couldn't afford a nanny.
asserted
he → say → nanny
…and 83 more, not listed.
The Aporia
