It was when sipping some grim, flavourless soup with the fervour and grace of a dog lapping spilt gravy – my only main meal that day – that I realised I was becoming a joke.
asserted
I → sip → gravy
Slurping the final mouthful, I saw my mum and sister exchange a wry look.
asserted
mum → slurp → look
I knew what it meant.
asserted
it → know → what
I’d become a nightmare.
asserted
I → become → ?
We were holidaying in Turkey at the time.
asserted
We → holiday → time
When I could have been eating kofte with my family, I was fasting and had become a giant bore about calorie counting.
uncertain
I → eat → counting
Their gentle exasperation didn’t deter me from my almost impossible goal: muscular upper body; tiny waist.
asserted
exasperation → deter → goal
I was still working out on fasting days.
asserted
I → work → days
It was the only way I’d find my body acceptable.
asserted
body → find → ?
Sylvester Stallone this week opened up about developing an eating disorder and taking steroids when younger.
asserted
Stallone → open → steroids
His appearance “became an obsession, really bad”, he said, and it took a terrible toll.
asserted
it → become → toll
He regrets it.
asserted
He → regret → it
Today’s versions include an Australian man known online as Androgenic, who’s been, understandably, roundly mocked.
asserted
who → include → Androgenic
It’s easy to laugh at male body obsession.
asserted
It → ’ → obsession
From Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sly Stallone’s extremely muscled, weirdly unsexy ’80s bodies, to today’s manfluencers who smoke meth and work out, it encompasses the most satire-worthy traits of toxic masculinity: narcissism, ego, superficiality, competitiveness, brute strength fixation.
asserted
it → smoke → masculinity
My family nicknamed it my 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 diet.
asserted
family → nickname → diet
That is what I was becoming.
asserted
I → become → ?
Buoyed by the hint of abs – I’d been a tubby 20-something – I wasn’t going back.
asserted
I → buoy → abs
I’d tried shortcuts to shred before, from diet pills to the grapefruit diet (half a grapefruit before every meal for its “fat burning enzymes”).
asserted
I → try → enzymes
It was an obsession built from insecurity given that classically handsome men were tall, dark and handsome; I was short, ginger and plain.
asserted
I → build → insecurity
I believed I needed pectorals to be considered even vaguely attractive.
asserted
pectorals → believe → ?
I joined a gym but diet alterations saw the most noticeable results, so my fasting continued.
asserted
fasting → join → results
Then I learnt about “body dysmorphia” – a skewed perception of what my body actually looks like.
asserted
body → learn → what
I saw photos of myself and thought they showed a potbelly and ill-defined abs, despite practically starving myself.
asserted
they → see → myself
The Butterfly Foundation says one-third of Australians with an eating disorder are male – some 365,000 men and boys, part of an overall increase of 21 per cent over a decade.
asserted
third → say → decade
Experts note that intensifying social media messages aimed at men and boys pose significant risks by equating success and self-worth with appearance.
asserted
intensifying → note → appearance
Eventually, after being told by loved ones I “look better when I eat”, I quit the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 diet forever.
asserted
I → tell → diet
My body changed again, as bodies do.
asserted
bodies → change → ?
I’d love to say I accept it more today.
asserted
I → love → it
I probably do slightly more than I did.
asserted
I → do → more
I didn’t think I had an eating disorder.
asserted
I → think → disorder
Like many men I know, I was eager to look muscled, manly, vaguely attractive and less bothered about being laughed at for striving towards it.
asserted
I → know → it
In the gay scene I inhabit, body fascism is rife.
asserted
fascism → inhabit → scene
It can lead to elitism, disillusionment, substance abuse and orthorexia – an intense adherence to clean eating or self-imposed food rules.
asserted
It → lead → eating
I abhor it all, yet participate in it.
asserted
I → abhor → it
I objectify men to those same largely unattainable standards – I can do better here, too.
asserted
I → objectify → standards
Sly Stallone says steroids are rife in the gym bro scene.
asserted
steroids → say → scene
They’re rife on the gay scene, too, but the taboo means the true extent is unknown.
asserted
extent → ’re → scene
In the Ozempic age, the risk of boys becoming body obsessed is even greater, but we’re too busy mocking them to spot signs of struggle, shame and stigma.
asserted
we → become → struggle
My body remains steroid and ab free.
asserted
body → remain → ?
…and 3 more, not listed.
The Aporia
