I am a 79-year-old woman who, over time, has suffered the loss of several family members.
asserted
who → suffer → members
Now I’m facing the worst loss imaginable.
asserted
I → face → loss
A year ago, my 24-year-old grandson “Rafe” cut himself off from his father and from me.
asserted
grandson → cut → me
Until then, we had been a close, loving family who did things together.
asserted
who → love → things
Rafe and his girlfriend live rent-free in my son’s house, yet they refuse to speak to either of us.
asserted
they → live → us
I’ve written and spoken to him, but he says that unless my son and I “change,” he wants nothing to do with us.
asserted
he → write → us
We are clueless as to what change he wants from us, and he offers no explanation.
asserted
he → want → explanation
My son was recently diagnosed with incurable cancer.
asserted
son → diagnose → cancer
The doctors say that, with treatment, he can live for a number of years.
asserted
he → say → years
All of this has been explained to Rafe, yet he remains silent.
asserted
he → explain → Rafe
If there had been abuse or lack of care over the years, I could understand his attitude, but it’s the opposite.
uncertain
it → understand → attitude
His father and I have done everything in the world for him all his life, maybe too much.
asserted
father → do → him
My son needs love and support now more than ever.
asserted
son → need → love
What can I do to reach my grandson?
asserted
I → do → grandson
Do I need to accept this and give up?
asserted
I → need → this
I understand your pain and frustration.
asserted
I → understand → pain
Until Rafe decides to explain what has caused his grudge, his issues belong on the back burner.
asserted
issues → decide → burner
Support him as much as you can, and try not to let him dwell on his problems with his son.
asserted
him → support → son
Consider that an adult son who continues to give his father the silent treatment may not deserve to live in his father’s house at all, much less rent-free.
uncertain
who → consider → house
From day one, it was apparent that she had a shopping addiction.
asserted
she → have → addiction
Together they have money to support this constant waste, but it overruns the house.
asserted
it → have → house
My son has often expressed that it’s a problem.
asserted
it → express → ?
First, it was stocking the pantry, then a second pantry and no room in the fridge for even a cold drink.
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it → stock → drink
They have magazines that are never read, piles of books to read “someday” and every drawer in the kitchen overflowing with unused gadgets.
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that → have → gadgets
You don’t even want to know what it’s like at Christmas.
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it → want → Christmas
I suspect she has a mental problem, but how should we approach it?
asserted
we → suspect → it
She thinks it’s OK to live this way.
asserted
it → think → ?
— NEED HELP IN BEACH TOWN
DEAR NEED HELP:
asserted
DEAR → need → HELP
Your daughter-in-law appears to be a shopping addict and a hoarder.
asserted
law → appear → ?
The good news: There are organizations that help with both of those problems.
asserted
that → be → problems
Find a nearby Spenders Anonymous meeting (spenders.org) and suggest that your son attend even if his wife refuses.
asserted
wife → find → meeting
Your DIL will be anxious or unhappy about this at first, but your son can learn strategies that may bring her around.
uncertain
that → learn → her
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren.
asserted
Abby → write → Buren
For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
asserted
which → pen → mother
The Aporia
