In the early hours of Saturday 22 February 2025 the following email landed in the inboxes of the entire US federal workforce:
asserted
email → land → workforce
From: HR hr@opm.gov
Sent: Saturday, February 22, 2025
Subject: What did you do last week?
Importance: High
Please reply to this email with approx. 5 bullets of what you accomplished last week and cc your manager.
asserted
you → reply → manager
When she noticed the email that Saturday night, Kathleen Walters already had far too much going on in her life.
asserted
much → notice → life
Number one was figuring out if the lump in her breast that her doctor had just detected was a tumour.
asserted
doctor → figure → that
Half of her known blood relatives had died of cancer, and she was now 52: the lump needed understanding.
asserted
lump → know → understanding
Her work life was harder to dramatise with a list.
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life → dramatise → list
For a start, the specifics of her job at any given moment, as she would have been the first to point out, couldn’t legally be described to others.
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she → give → others
She ran a staff of 650 people tasked with preventing any of the 100,000 IRS employees from losing or leaking or even so much as peeking at, unless they had the authority to peek, any of the 266m tax returns they were just then processing from the previous year.
asserted
they → run → year
“One hundred thousand people is a big-sized town,” said Kathleen.
asserted
Kathleen → say → ?
“In any big-sized town, you have some crazy people.
asserted
you → have → people
I could easily see someone writing, ‘This weekend I audited Beyoncé.’”
uncertain
I → see → Beyoncé
Whoever had sent this email asking her to list five things she’d done at work was now demanding that all these people inside the IRS share information that, in many cases, should never be shared.
asserted
that → send → cases
She thought it was nuts.
asserted
it → think → ?
She responded quickly, and vaguely, with five things she had done the previous week, all the while feeling sure no one would ever read what she wrote.
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she → respond → what
Her phone was already exploding with questions from her subordinates – a few of whom were saying that their replies were bouncing back with a “mailbox is full” notice.
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mailbox → explode → notice
Now she had to sit and think about how to minimise the damage that might be caused by 100,000 IRS employees thinking that they’d lose their jobs if they didn’t supply some detailed answer about what they’d done during their work week.
uncertain
they → have → week
A meaningful percentage risked being tossed in jail if they described what they did in an email.
asserted
they → risk → email
It was a crime for an IRS employee even to acknowledge that some specific person had or had not filed a tax return.
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person → acknowledge → return
“People don’t understand what the IRS does,” said Kathleen.
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Kathleen → understand → what
The email came as a surprise, but then the IRS was suddenly full of surprises.
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IRS → come → surprises
Nine days earlier, on 13 February, a Thursday, the first Doge person turned up in the lobby, unannounced, and security called Traci DiMartini, who ran the IRS’s human capital department.
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who → turn → department
There’s a kid down here who said he needs to get into the building, he said.
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he → ’ → building
Traci called her counterpart at the Treasury department, as the IRS sits inside Treasury, and Treasury always cleared any new political appointees; Treasury had no record of anyone named Gavin Kliger.
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Treasury → call → anyone
Traci then called Tim Curry at the Office of Personnel Management – but he had no idea what was going on.
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what → call → idea
Finally, she called security and asked them to escort the young man to her office.
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she → call → office
Gavin Kliger came with a chip on his shoulder, it seemed to Traci.
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it → come → Traci
He offered not even the faintest smile or the most glancing eye contact.
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He → offer → smile
Dressed in black from hoodie to sneaker, he was brusque to the point of rudeness.
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he → dress → rudeness
He looked, and was, just a few years out of college.
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He → look → college
Eyes on the floor, he explained to Traci that he’d come to sort out the problems inside the IRS and to root out the fraud.
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he → explain → fraud
“That’s a big job!” she said.
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she → ’ → ?
Anyone who worked at the IRS knew that it had its problems; fraud wasn’t likely one of them.
asserted
fraud → work → them
Like all federal employees, its staff wasn’t allowed to accept more than a free cup of coffee from anyone who might want something from their agency.
uncertain
who → allow → agency
Gavin Kliger, in contrast, struck Traci as problematic.
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Kliger → strike → Traci
He’d somehow laid his hands on badges granting him access to some crazy number of government buildings.
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He → lay → buildings
His backpack was stuffed with government-issue phones and at least four laptops – and he was now insisting that Traci supply him with an IRS phone and laptop.
asserted
Traci → stuff → phone
He also demanded his own IRS email address, access to computer systems with all the taxpayer information, and a meeting with the acting IRS commissioner, Doug O’Donnell.
asserted
He → demand → commissioner
As Gavin sat there, Traci called Treasury again.
asserted
Traci → sit → Treasury
That guy you said didn’t exist is now here sitting in my office.
asserted
you → say → office
What do y’all want me to do with him?
asserted
me → want → him
…and 267 more, not listed.
The Aporia
