This summer marked several death-related festivals across the globe.
asserted
summer → mark → globe
Buddhists and Taoists observe the Hungry Ghosts Festival, Japan observes the Obon, Thailand celebrates the three-day Boon Para Wate and Nepal holds the Hindu Gai Jatra.
asserted
Nepal → observe → Jatra
Meanwhile, in North America, we often pretend death doesn’t exist and fail to prepare for it.
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death → pretend → it
Before he died this April, after 40 years of marriage, he did something I consider to be an act of love.
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I → die → love
He left me three documents.
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He → leave → documents
The first one was labelled Important Information.
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one → label → ?
From A (Accountant, Aeroplan, and Appliance Repairs) to W (Water Heaters, Warranties, Wills & Powers of Attorney), everything I could possibly need was explained: where to find documents, important phone numbers, you name it.
uncertain
you → need → it
• The second document listed all Stephen’s passwords, a full three pages.
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document → list → passwords
That meant I could access his computer, phone and other areas of his life.
uncertain
I → mean → life
I can’t imagine how challenging things would have been without that access.
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things → imagine → access
• And the third document summarized bank accounts and investments.
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document → summarize → accounts
I’ve been the breadwinner since Stephen lost his ability to work in 2002 when he became a cardiac patient.
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he → lose → 2002
But Stephen managed all our finances.
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Stephen → manage → finances
Everything I needed
In addition to those documents, Stephen prepared a fireproof box that contained everything else I’d need, including our marriage certificate and passports.
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I → need → certificate
Too few people prepare documents like this for their partners.
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people → prepare → partners
And it’s a pity.
asserted
it → ’ → ?
For those who have the kind of marriage we did, it’s impossible to imagine life without a spouse.
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it → have → spouse
How much worse it would have been if I hadn’t been steered seamlessly through the logistics.
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I → steer → logistics
What insurance did we have?
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we → have → insurance
When did we pay utilities?
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we → pay → utilities
How did we get the treadmill serviced?
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treadmill → get → ?
Not only that, but I even knew what Stephen wanted on his memorial stone.
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Stephen → know → stone
We didn’t expect Stephen to die.
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Stephen → expect → ?
At 74 he’d defied expectations and promised the children and me he’d live until at least 80.
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he → defy → 80
But he’d developed a nasty cough and finally, on a Sunday, I convinced him to go to the emergency department.
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I → develop → department
They admitted him and put him on an antibiotic drip.
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They → admit → drip
By Tuesday, though, doctors figured out it wasn’t pneumonia.
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it → figure → Tuesday
He died Wednesday evening.
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He → die → ?
But one thing you can do is to make sure your loved ones, who are in no position to think clearly, have everything they need.
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they → do → everything
Because we live in a death-phobic society, that’s often not happening.
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that → live → society
According to psychologist Matthew Whalley, research suggests that up to 10 per cent of people experience death anxiety and around 3 per cent have an intense fear of death.
uncertain
cent → accord → death
But even for the rest of us, coming to terms with the greatest mystery of them all isn’t a cake walk.
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coming → come → them
Jon Radulovic, of the U.S. National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization, has been quoted as saying, “As humans, we’re not wired to accept death.
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we → quote → death
It’s frightening and final.
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It → ’ → ?
There’s so much apprehension surrounding the topic that it’s understandable why we don’t want to focus on it.
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we → ’ → it
We’re usually confident there will be more time.
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We → ’re → ?
All of us believed Stephen had a few more years.
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Stephen → believe → years
But planning goes beyond preparing documents for loved ones.
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planning → go → ones
According to the Angus Reid polling company, half of Canadians don’t even have a will.
uncertain
half → accord → will
And this includes 1-in-5 Canadians over the age of 55.
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this → include → 55
…and 4 more, not listed.
The Aporia
