Sarah Khan, 45, and her husband were on the brink of separation when he came to her with a calendar.
asserted
he → come → calendar
The Barrie couple had been arguing more than ever.
asserted
couple → argue → ?
When her husband showed her the cyclical nature of her mood swings and irritability, suggesting they may have a medical basis, Khan booked a doctor’s appointment.
uncertain
Khan → show → appointment
That’s when she realized she was in perimenopause, the transition leading up to menopause — and that her untreated symptoms could be costing her her marriage.
uncertain
symptoms → ’ → marriage
Once a stage of life women suffered through in silence, menopause is increasingly shaping women’s relationships in both positive and challenging ways.
asserted
menopause → suffer → ways
Today, experts say the period of midlife is often marked by active self-discovery, leading to more life changes than it has before.
asserted
it → say → changes
“Grey divorces” — among people 50 and over — account for a growing share of Canadian divorces, rising 26 per cent between 1991 and 2006, from 4.2 to 5.3 divorces per 1,000 married people.
asserted
divorces → account → people
Since 2006, that rate has remained relatively stable, even as the overall divorce rate in Canada has substantially decreased.
asserted
rate → remain → Canada
While libido changes are a common perimenopause symptom, many women report entering a period of greater sexual confidence later in life.
asserted
women → report → life
The number of women aged 45-64 using dating apps is increasing year over year, according to Statistics Canada data, from 2.5 per cent in 2018 to 6.3 per cent in 2022.
uncertain
number → age → 2022
And a recent survey from “discreet” dating site Ashley Madison found that 45 per cent of its women members said they reached their sexual prime at age 40 or older.
asserted
they → find → age
After Shelley Carr entered perimenopause a decade ago, low libido made her stop enjoying sex with her late husband, who passed away in early 2025 after a prolonged illness.
asserted
who → enter → illness
When the 56-year-old Torontonian eventually went on hormone therapy, she felt she gained a new lease on life, allowing her to begin dating again after her husband’s passing.
asserted
her → go → passing
But seeing men her own age
asserted
seeing → see → ?
didn’t work — they were too traditional, expecting her to cook, clean and do emotional labour.
asserted
her → work → labour
“I can’t do it,” she said.
asserted
she → do → it
“I think a lot of women my age are saying, ‘Why would I give up my peace and essentially get another child?’”
asserted
I → think → child
Instead, Carr now tends to date men a decade or so younger — but what they make up for in progressive values, they lack in knowledge.
asserted
they → tend → knowledge
“There is a huge lack of information among young men,” Carr said.
asserted
Carr → be → men
“I find myself often having to explain that I haven’t had a period in 10 years, and that no, I can’t have babies.”
asserted
I → find → babies
Sometimes, these explanations occur during sex, when men are confused to see her HRT patch for the first time.
asserted
men → occur → time
“‘What’s this for?’” she said they ask.
asserted
they → ’ → What
“‘Are you a smoker?’”
Some women consider a decreased sex drive a blessing.
asserted
drive → consider → ?
After Leesa Gaspari, a 57-year old Torontonian, underwent surgical menopause with the necessary removal of both her ovaries in 2022, her desire for sex and romance disappeared overnight.
asserted
desire → undergo → sex
She cut off her regular sexual encounters with three men, and is now confident she’ll never date again.
asserted
she → cut → men
“I feel like my brain was freed,” Gaspari said.
asserted
Gaspari → feel → ?
“Without the confines of emotions dictating my life, everything was so much clearer for me.”
asserted
everything → dictate → me
Ruby, a 49-year-old Torontonian who asked to withhold her full name for privacy reasons, said her relationship changed after perimenopause made it harder for her to mask her autistic traits.
asserted
her → ask → traits
“[Autistic women] have appeared neurotypical to get by, consistently, for years, and then we hit a point of burnout,” she said.
asserted
she → appear → burnout
“I think the perimenopause pushes you into the burnout direction.”
asserted
perimenopause → think → direction
When she stopped masking, Ruby realized she felt her partner never truly loved the real her.
asserted
partner → stop → her
She began asking for help around the house and he couldn’t step up to the plate, nor could he support her emotionally.
uncertain
he → begin → her
“Finally, I was like, ‘I do not want to please other people,’” she said.
asserted
she → want → people
“I want to be myself and have my weaknesses and allow myself to have those weaknesses.”
asserted
myself → want → weaknesses
She left her partner and recently reconnected with an old flame, with whom she said she’s having the best sex of her life.
asserted
she → leave → life
“I’ve never had orgasms like this, not even when I was younger.”
asserted
I → have → this
As estrogen starts to dip, it’s common for women to lose their tendency to nurture and people-please, said Amanda VanDenBrock, a Toronto psychotherapist who specializes in menopause and sexuality.
asserted
who → start → menopause
They often start prioritizing their own needs and desires, which leads some relationships to end and some women to find passion in ones that better suit their current needs.
asserted
that → start → needs
“Menopause is an amazing transition of self-exploration, self-realization, and becoming more honest with oneself,” VanDenBrock said.
asserted
VanDenBrock → become → oneself
But this newfound sense of liberation can spark difficult relational dynamics.
asserted
sense → spark → dynamics
…and 12 more, not listed.
The Aporia
