I’ve been in a relationship with a man for three years and living with him for the past two.
asserted
I → live → two
He has two married daughters and seven grandkids.
asserted
He → have → daughters
Before I entered his life, he had an open-door policy.
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he → enter → policy
He allowed them to visit whenever they wanted, and they still have keys to his house.
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they → allow → house
My partner and I are not on the same page regarding boundaries and privacy.
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partner → regard → boundaries
While I understand the importance of children spending time with their parents, his daughters visit him two to three times a week.
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daughters → understand → parents
I work full time, and yesterday, after a long day at the office, I arrived home at 6 p.m. to find his youngest daughter and her three kids there with the house in disarray.
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house → work → disarray
They stayed for dinner and lingered afterward.
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They → stay → dinner
I was exhausted, so I went to bed around 8 p.m., but as I lay there, I couldn’t help thinking it might be time for me to move out or leave the relationship entirely.
uncertain
me → go → relationship
I’ve often felt like I don’t have a voice when it comes to living in his house and that my feelings don’t seem to matter.
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feelings → feel → house
Am I wrong to feel this way?
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I → feel → ?
— INVADED IN IOWA
DEAR INVADED: No, you are not.
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you → invade → IOWA
What your gentleman friend and his children haven’t taken into account is that he no longer lives alone, and an additional person needs to be considered.
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person → take → account
If, after working a full day, you don’t feel up to entertaining his children and grandchildren, you should at least have some warning about what you will be facing when you get home.
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you → work → what
That you weren’t consulted was inconsiderate.
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consulted → consult → ?
If, after you have discussed this, he continues to do it without consulting you, you should absolutely get a place of your own.
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you → discuss → own
Continue to see him if that’s an option, but create some distance.
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that → continue → distance
I’ve had a core group of friends for almost 20 years.
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I → have → years
Some have kids, but I do not.
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I → have → kids
We all met doing theater.
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We → meet → theater
I considered many of them my closest friends.
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many → consider → them
Last month, six of them, all of whom have kids the same age, founded a new theater company, which is cool, but I was not notified or consulted.
I’ve acted in and stage-managed many shows with all of them, as well as played music for their shows.
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I → have → shows
They’re now producing a musical with my other best friend from out of state.
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They → produce → state
Why am I being excluded?
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I → exclude → ?
Am I crazy for feeling upset that I’m not being included?
asserted
I → feel → ?
Is it because I don’t have kids and they do?
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they → have → kids
Should I just move on and find new friends?
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I → move → friends
You are not crazy for feeling left out.
asserted
You → feel → ?
As to why they didn’t mention this venture to you, I’m not the person you should ask.
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you → mention → you
Is this a youth-oriented theater company?
asserted
this → orient → ?
If so, they may have assumed you would not want to participate.
uncertain
you → assume → ?
Now that you know about it, offer to help with the show.
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you → know → show
If they decline, that would be your moment to inquire about the reasons.
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that → decline → reasons
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren.
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Abby → write → Buren
For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
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which → pen → mother
The Aporia
