If you're in a new relationship, you're likely more focused on the buzz of the romance than planning out any financial pitfalls.
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you → plan → pitfalls
And even if you're in a long-term partnership, perhaps discussing the finer points of your budget is not yet on the cards.
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discussing → discuss → cards
It can feel like the most unromantic discussion two loved up people can have, but a stitch in time truly saves nine here, with conscious choices up-front saving bucketloads of stress later.
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choices → feel → stress
The good news is that there's no one-size fits all and there are no absolute rules.
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news → be → all
You can be as picky about which advice you apply to your relationship as you are about choosing a partner.
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you → apply → partner
The trick is finding what works for both of you, making sure everyone is being treated fairly, and not introducing unnecessary risks.
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everyone → find → risks
It's important to note that some popular advice for couples evolved in very different times.
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advice → note → times
For example, only 52 years ago, Australian women needed a male co-signer for a mortgage.
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women → need → mortgage
Thankfully that ended with the introduction of the Sex Discrimination Act in 1984, but the flow-on effects of that era permeate much of what we hear about relationships four decades later.
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we → end → relationships
Here are four ways you can be financially protected in modern times, regardless of how long you've been together.
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you → protect → times
1. Keep your own bank account
Cash in an account to which you are the only signatory and no-one else has access is, in my opinion, essential.
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one → keep → opinion
The account doesn't need to be secret from your partner, just in your name only, and you must not share access details like login information with anyone else — even your beloved.
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you → need → anyone
You can still have joint accounts as well.
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You → have → accounts
Most modern relationships sit on a spectrum between completely separate and fully integrated finances.
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relationships → sit → finances
Ensure you both have access to any joint accounts and you know what's going on with them too, but don't give up that solo account.
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what → ensure → account
It has two purposes:
- Firstly, you each have some discretionary money you can spend without the other partner querying it (a real bonus if you want to buy an engagement ring).
- The second reason is less common but more sobering: it's insurance if you want to leave the relationship.
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you → have → relationship
Keeping your own bank account — or cash stashed — used to be called "running away money".
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Keeping → keep → account
I think of it as "staying money", as in: "I could leave if I wanted, but I choose to stay."
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I → think → money
2. Get a binding financial agreement (BFA)
Often called a prenup — as in pre-nuptial — this legal agreement can be put in place at any point in a relationship.
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agreement → get → relationship
Yes, even if you've been married for decades, you can get a BFA in Australia.
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you → marry → Australia
It involves outlining how you'd split your assets if the relationship ends.
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relationship → involve → assets
Some claim a BFA means you're planning for a break-up, but to me it says: "I love you so much that I want any potential split to be as painless and fair as possible."
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split → claim → you
There are specific processes to follow to ensure a BFA is enforceable, including each party getting independent legal and financial advice and both signing the documents.
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both → be → documents
Make sure you do this through the right channels.
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you → make → channels
3. Maintain the ability to earn an income
When you put all your earning eggs in one breadwinner basket, what happens if the breadwinner falls ill, has an accident, or their job is devoured by AI?
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job → maintain → AI
Ensuring both parties in a relationship have the capacity to earn a decent income is an important insurance policy.
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parties → ensure → income
Whatever your career or vocation, keep it active and relevant.
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career → keep → it
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This might mean continuing to work, but could include other options if working isn't on the cards, such as:
- Completing continuing professional development (CPD) requirements
- Maintaining registrations to representative bodies and associations
- Joining a committee or board in the industry, on a paid or volunteer basis
- Staying in touch with past employers and colleagues via networking events, conferences, online connections or the occasional coffee catch-up
4. Watch for red flags
At the pointy end of the relationship spectrum is financial abuse.
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abuse → sign → spectrum
With one in six women and one in 14 men experiencing this in their lifetimes in Australia, it's worth understanding the warning signs.
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it → experience → signs
Financial abuse often starts with undermining your confidence in your ability to make good financial decisions and leads to loss of control over or access to money.
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abuse → start → money
These can give someone else the right to make financial decisions on your behalf even when you haven't lost capacity.
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you → give → capacity
If you are experiencing financial abuse or are at risk of financial abuse, these services can also help:
• Your Toolkit
• 1800 Full Stop
• Centre for Women's Economic Safety
But healthy relationships can and do include conflict over money.
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relationships → experience → money
If you're not in an abusive situation and finding it hard to resolve your financial differences, it's well worth considering a trip to what I think of as a relationship upgrade service (i.e. marriage counselling) to work through it so you're both comfortable.
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you → find → it
Just remember, most counsellors aren't qualified to give legal or financial advice.
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counsellors → remember → advice
Some employee assistance plans include relationship counselling for free, so check what your employer offers.
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employer → include → what
You can also access resources through Relationships Australia.
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You → access → Australia
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