Over the last fortnight, so many of us have been enthralled in a game of “Remember When” regarding a blizzard of rude recollections about the Sandpaper-gate events of 2018 in South Africa.
asserted
many → enthral → Africa
Remember when, indeed …
Australia’s Test team is back in South Africa this week, where that imbroglio kicked off eight years and seven months ago.
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imbroglio → remember → Africa
Back then, I wrote that the Australian players needed to lawyer-up and demand a fair hearing; such was the schemozzle of their head-spiking.
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schemozzle → write → spiking
A year later I opined that they’d been bashed up too hard.
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they → opine → ?
In 2022, I dared to write that David Warner’s lifetime leadership ban constituted moral policing ham-fistedly disguised as the metering-out of discipline.
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ban → dare → discipline
Nothing Cricket Australia (CA) has done since gives me the slightest inclination to deviate from these views.
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Australia → do → views
On the Saturday of the Cape Town Test, Cameron Bancroft was filmed comically shoving sandpaper into his underpants.
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Bancroft → film → underpants
The next day, CA’s then chief executive James Sutherland fronted the media, without consulting the captain, Steve Smith.
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executive → front → captain
By Tuesday, CA scrambled a two-man squad to arrive in South Africa, to investigate.
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CA → scramble → Africa
The probe was completed inside 100 hours.
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probe → complete → hours
Only selected witnesses had their chains rattled.
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chains → select → ?
By the following day, Smith and Warner had been handed 12-month bans from all cricket, Bancroft nine months.
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Bancroft → follow → cricket
Smith was barred from leadership roles for a further year.
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Smith → bar → year
Warner was banned from leading for life.
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Warner → ban → life
Within days, each had cried on camera, blubbering their scripted “messaging”.
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each → cry → messaging
Within a fortnight, they had accepted everything.
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they → accept → everything
Nobody appealed.
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Nobody → appeal → ?
Smith’s admissions were that he’d been party to a premeditated, orchestrated and juvenile plan to cheat.
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he → orchestrate → plan
You can’t remain captain after that.
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You → remain → that
Nobody has sensibly prosecuted the alternate case.
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Nobody → prosecute → case
None of the players were charged by CA with wilfully or unfairly changing the condition of the ball under law 41.3 of the Laws of Cricket.
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None → charge → Cricket
That’s the on-field offence, and the only body competent to prosecute it is the International Cricket Council.
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body → ’ → it
The ICC dealt with Bancroft under 41.3; he copped a small fine and some demerit points but no suspension.
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he → deal → fine
The ICC dealt with Smith for conduct contrary to the spirit of the game; he copped one
Test match and his match fee.
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he → deal → match
That’s it.
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That → ’ → ?
Warner, supposedly the evil puppet master; the ICC didn’t touch him.
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ICC → touch → him
And the umpires didn’t even change the ball.
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umpires → change → ball
The sandpaper failed.
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sandpaper → fail → ?
CA instead reached for article 2.3.5 of its Code of Conduct for Players and Player Support Personnel.
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CA → reach → Players
That’s the archetypal catch-all: conduct contrary to the spirit of the game, unbecoming, harmful to the interests of cricket, blah blah
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That → ’ → cricket
Disrepute is of course an elastic concept; it stretches to fit whatever the outrage demands.
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outrage → stretch → whatever
The players weren’t banned for sandpapering a ball.
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players → ban → ball
They were banned for the embarrassment CA suffered when the calamitous scheme was detected, and for the fibbing that followed.
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that → ban → fibbing
They could’ve copped the sanction; admitted the charge but contested the severity before an independent Code of Conduct commissioner; or denied it and appealed.
The sanctions were announced as settled fact before any commissioner had been appointed, let alone sitting in judgment.
uncertain
commissioner → cop → judgment
Each player was frogmarched to a microphone by CA to make admissions, in harrowing circumstances, before any of them had so much as a phone call from a lawyer.
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any → frogmarch → lawyer
I’ve advised plenty of clients to run dead on questions from journalists for this reason; honest answers given under duress become legal potholes.
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answers → advise → duress
And then there’s the thing nobody at CA will utter aloud: selection of a national cricket team is discretionary.
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selection → ’ → team
A player who takes his employer to an independent hearing and succeeds in getting a reduced penalty must then present himself to that same employer for selection.
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who → take → selection
Warner and Smith didn’t appeal because they did the calculus: winning the battle meant being banished.
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winning → appeal → battle
A right you’re too frightened to exercise isn’t a right.
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you → ’re → ?
…and 27 more, not listed.
The Aporia
