Nobody needs you to become good at it; that’s the point.
asserted
that → need → it
Somewhere along the way, adulthood became work, exercise, errands, laundry, streaming television and asking another adult what they’re watching.
asserted
they → become → what
Even our hobbies have become suspiciously productive.
asserted
hobbies → become → ?
We run marathons.
asserted
We → run → marathons
Apparently nothing can simply occupy a pleasant Saturday afternoon without eventually requiring a logo.
asserted
nothing → occupy → logo
I reject this.
asserted
I → reject → this
I want to be bad at something.
asserted
I → want → something
The problem is figuring out where to look, so I started looking.
asserted
I → figure → ?
My first discovery was that before downloading another app designed to help you find community, check the library.
asserted
you → download → library
Los Angeles libraries will apparently teach you things.
asserted
libraries → teach → things
The West Los Angeles Regional Library has offered makerspace sessions with sewing and embroidery machines, while LA County Library hosts Fix-It Clinics where volunteers help repair broken household items.
asserted
volunteers → offer → items
I thought the library was where civilization kept the books, but apparently the government would also like to teach me how to fix my toaster.
asserted
government → think → toaster
This is how our mothers found our side quests when we were 8, and apparently they were on to something.
asserted
they → find → something
LA recreation centers still offer adult classes in everything from art and dance to martial arts.
asserted
centers → offer → arts
This brings me to the first rule of side quests:
Search for the skill, not “things to do in Los Angeles.”
asserted
This → bring → Angeles
Search “fun things to do in LA,” and the internet will attempt to sell you an immersive experience and a $19 cocktail.
asserted
internet → search → experience
Search “beginner Capoeira Los Angeles,” and suddenly things get weird.
asserted
things → search → Capoeira
The Museum of Neon Art will even teach you to bend neon into your own illuminated artwork for more than $300, which is objectively too much money for a woman who already owns several lamps.
asserted
who → teach → lamps
Unfortunately, I now need to know how to bend neon.
asserted
I → need → neon
Los Angeles has groups organized around chess, crafts, roller skating and junk journaling.
asserted
Angeles → have → chess
Social media-happy locals have even documented local clubs devoted to subjects as specific as kaleidoscopes, circus history, and fancy rats and mice.
asserted
locals → document → kaleidoscopes
I guarantee the woman making a stained-glass portrait of her dachshund has better weekend plans than I do.
asserted
I → guarantee → plans
I have begun doing this myself.
asserted
I → begin → this
I recently took motorcycle safety classes because apparently at 51 I needed an M1 license.
asserted
I → take → license
I’ve tried line dancing despite having no compelling evidence that my body understands choreography.
asserted
body → try → choreography
Years ago, I even completed Community Emergency Response Team training, meaning Los Angeles once attempted to prepare me to help my neighbors during a major disaster.
asserted
Angeles → complete → disaster
Unfortunately, I remember almost none of it.
asserted
I → remember → it
I am now considering going back, which means my hobbies have apparently escalated from dancing badly to preparing for societal collapse.
asserted
hobbies → consider → collapse
This feels like progress.
asserted
This → feel → progress
I’ve developed a few rules for choosing your own side quest.
asserted
I → develop → quest
It shouldn’t help your career, and you are not required to become good at it.
asserted
you → help → it
Ideally, it takes you somewhere you normally wouldn’t go or introduces you to people you normally wouldn’t meet.
asserted
you → take → people
Bonus points if, when you tell a friend what you’re doing Saturday, they respond:
“Wait.
asserted
they → tell → what
Adulthood could use more things that don’t need to become anything.
uncertain
that → use → things
You are allowed to be a beginner, or remain mediocre indefinitely.
asserted
You → allow → ?
Maybe that’s part of why it’s so difficult to make friends as adults.
asserted
it → ’ → adults
As children, somebody signed us up for soccer or dance, dropped us beside 20 strangers and drove away.
asserted
somebody → sign → strangers
Friendship happened while we were doing something else.
asserted
we → happen → something
Now we attend friendship mixers and download apps designed to locate compatible humans.
Maybe we should stop trying so hard to make friends and go learn stained glass instead.
asserted
we → attend → glass
Worst case, you don’t meet your new best friend, but you made an extremely questionable bowl.
Or shot an arrow.
Or learned to hula hoop.
Or discovered you hate woodworking.
asserted
you → meet → woodworking
…and 10 more, not listed.
The Aporia
