I am a man in my late 60s who hasn’t had a family birthday party since I was a child.
asserted
I → have → party
My mother’s birthday is seven days from mine, so celebrations were always for her, and mine were sort of lost in the shuffle.
asserted
mine → lose → shuffle
This was never a problem for me when I was younger, but as I get older, I think it would be nice to have a party.
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it → get → party
When I was 50, there was a surprise party for me, but shortly after the party started, I was informed that I was sharing the event with Mom.
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I → be → Mom
When we sat down together to open gifts, Mom had many, and I had few.
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I → sit → few
Later, many guests apologized and said they had not been told the party was for me, just Mom.
asserted
party → apologize → me
I may have appeared upset, but, because I did not want to hurt her feelings, I told my sister I was uncomfortable being celebrated.
uncertain
I → appear → sister
She spread this to other family members, which is the reason everyone has avoided celebrations for me ever since.
asserted
everyone → spread → me
Is this fixable without hurting anyone, or has this misunderstanding doomed me to a partyless life?
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misunderstanding → hurt → life
— NOT A PARTY ANIMAL
DEAR NOT A PARTY ANIMAL: You are not “doomed.”
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You → doom → ?
You just need to start taking responsibility for your own parties.
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You → need → parties
For the next few years, organize your birthday gatherings exactly the way you want them to be.
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them → organize → gatherings
(Also make sure someone plans a separate soiree for Mom.)
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someone → make → Mom
This will show others you are open to celebrating yourself.
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you → show → yourself
It will also let them know how you like your parties in case they decide to surprise you again in the future.
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they → let → future
I live in an apartment complex for low-income elderly or disabled people.
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I → live → people
It’s not assisted living; if we need help, we must hire whatever help isn’t covered by insurance.
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help → ’ → insurance
The 94-year-old man next door has become 100% bedridden and has requested to go to a nursing home.
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man → become → home
The woman who cares for him (and also has power of attorney) does a good job when she’s there, but she is social and is consistently late because she stops outdoors and talks to other residents before coming in to tend to him.
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she → care → him
Today she drove in at 8:30 a.m. but didn’t come inside until after 9, meaning he’d been left for more than 18 hours between meals and changing.
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he → drive → meals
Often he calls out for help, but at 85, I cannot and should not try to help him.
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I → call → him
It’s upsetting.
asserted
It → ’ → ?
Is there something I can do?
asserted
I → do → ?
Should I just mind my own business?
asserted
I → mind → business
It’s understandable that you’re upset.
asserted
you → ’ → ?
This man needs to be moved to a nursing home immediately if not sooner.
asserted
man → need → home
Have you spoken to the caregiver?
asserted
you → speak → caregiver
She’ll need to coordinate between his insurance company, the state or local department of senior services, and possibly Medicaid.
uncertain
She → need → services
If you’re feeling generous, offer to help her research what’s needed to get him into a safer environment.
asserted
what → feel → environment
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren.
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Abby → write → Buren
For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
asserted
which → pen → mother
The Aporia
