I am a man in his 60s who lost his wife two years ago to a heart attack.
asserted
who → lose → attack
I have fallen in love with my cousin, who is also in her 60s, divorced and a lawyer.
asserted
who → fall → 60s
Is it reasonable for me to ask her to go with me on dates?
asserted
me → ask → dates
Can a man marry his first cousin?
asserted
man → marry → cousin
According to the free legal reference website Justia (law.justia.com), first cousins are not listed among the types of forbidden marriages or civil unions in the state of New Jersey.
uncertain
cousins → accord → Jersey
In other words, yes, it seems to be legal where you live.
asserted
you → seem → words
Even so, you will want to tread very carefully here.
asserted
you → want → ?
You say you’ve fallen in love with her, but are you sure she has romantic feelings for you?
asserted
she → say → you
If not, you risk alienating a family member you deeply respect and admire.
asserted
you → risk → member
I have two brothers, “Derek” and “Paul,” who have not spoken to each other in more than six years.
asserted
who → have → years
There was no falling-out; they’re simply bad at communicating (even with other siblings).
asserted
they → be → siblings
Last year, Derek wanted to get together with all the siblings, but Paul wouldn’t come (no reason given).
asserted
Paul → want → siblings
I just found out that Derek has terminal cancer.
asserted
Derek → find → cancer
He doesn’t want Paul to know.
asserted
Paul → want → ?
I assume it has to do with Paul not wanting to get together, which hurt Derek’s feelings.
asserted
which → assume → feelings
I believe Paul should be told about Derek’s condition.
asserted
Paul → believe → condition
What is the best way to get Derek to reconsider informing Paul of his diagnosis?
asserted
Derek → get → diagnosis
You and your family have my sympathy for Derek’s condition.
asserted
You → have → condition
It’s not wise to assume anything in a situation like this.
asserted
It → ’ → this
If you want to know why Derek is keeping his cancer a secret from Paul, ask him.
asserted
Derek → want → him
Tell him you’re there for him and will help him break the news if he would like.
asserted
he → tell → news
Meanwhile, approach Paul to plan a sibling get-together that would fit his schedule.
asserted
that → approach → schedule
If he still refuses, it’s likely these two have problems you’re unaware of that go beyond poor communication skills.
asserted
that → refuse → skills
I recently took a friend on a day trip.
asserted
I → take → trip
While I was driving, she took out her clippers and trimmed her fingernails in my car.
asserted
she → drive → car
Later, when she changed into her walking shoes, she put the soles of these shoes on the dash of my car to tie them.
asserted
she → change → them
Thank goodness there wasn’t a pebble stuck in the bottom, or my dashboard would have been scratched in addition to the dirt.
asserted
dashboard → thank → dirt
I was dumbstruck that someone would do this in someone else’s nice car.
asserted
someone → do → car
What is a good way to ask that these things stop?
asserted
things → ask → ?
The most effective way to have delivered the message to your disrespectful friend would have been to say, clearly and firmly, “Excuse me!
asserted
way → deliver → me
I don’t want footprints on my dashboard or nail clippings in my car.
asserted
I → want → car
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren.
asserted
Abby → write → Buren
For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
asserted
which → pen → mother
The Aporia
