It was going to be such a clever opener.
asserted
It → go → ?
“Let that be a lesson to world rugby,” I would exult, with echoes of Vitas Gerulaitis, “NO-ONE beats the Wallabies at the one ground 41 years in a row!
Or maybe ...
“Anyone can have a bad four decades, but that’s where the Wallabies really draw the line.
asserted
Wallabies → let → line
It all turned, see, on the fact that our blokes had not won against the All Backs at Auckland’s Eden Park since 1986, and for the first part of this Bledisloe Cup Test match it really looked as if – hold my coat, Captain Cook – history was at hand.
asserted
history → turn → hand
The Wallabies swept all before them.
asserted
Wallabies → sweep → them
They carved them up in the backs, and stopped the hosts’ attack cold.
asserted
They → carve → attack
They picked them off in the lineouts.
asserted
They → pick → lineouts
The green and gold so dominated territory and possession that when our fullback Tom Wright sliced the defence wide open just seven minutes in to score, I was morally certain that for the next 40 years, I’d be able to boast: “I was there the night it all turned around, the beginning of the Green and Golden Age, after decades of All Blackness!”
asserted
it → dominate → Blackness
But then those All Black boogers struck back, as they are ever wont to do, and one thing in particular did us real damage.
asserted
thing → strike → damage
The All Blacks kept putting up the high ball, and not only did none of the Wallabies appear to even call for it, many of them they didn’t even look particularly interested in claiming it.
asserted
they → keep → it
It is a mystery to this despondent correspondent how a team so outstanding at so many other things continues to get this most basic of all required skills wrong.
asserted
basic → continue → skills
For the damage done by not swallowing whole the pills put up towards them was considerable, as the All Blacks quickly scored two converted tries and a penalty to lead 17-7.
asserted
Blacks → do → 17
At least the fact our captain Harry Wilson restored a little order with a try just before halftime allowed us to hope, with the All Baddies only holding a 17-14 lead at the break.
asserted
Baddies → restore → break
Who would come out for the Wallabies in the second half?
asserted
Who → come → half
The team which dominated the first ten minutes, or the one that all but disappeared for the middle 20?
asserted
that → dominate → 20
At first, it looked it would be the former as, from the kick-off, Wright and Max Jorgensen combined to break through and we ended up with a line-out right on their line.
asserted
we → look → line
The Promised Land was right there, just waiting for a Wallaby forward to take up his rightful position – planting the ball down for defence on a patch of grass that grows green from the blood, sweat and tears of his 40 forebears.
asserted
that → wait → forebears
Alas, that attack was snuffed out by a penalty and much of the rest went back to an aerial battle where we appeared to have a distinct lack of Spitfires, and Jerry was everywhere at once!
asserted
Jerry → snuff → Spitfires
Look, it was not simply that the All Blacks continued to put the ball up and then recover it, it was than when we put the ball up, we had no one of note rushing through to put a tenth of the pressure on them that had been put on us.
asserted
that → look → us
The territory this delivered to the All Blacks was more than enough for them to plant their flag four more times behind our goal line in the next 35 minutes, taking the lead out to 43-14 as the match started to ebb.
asserted
match → deliver → 43
In that time, Wilson, Rob Valetini and Fraser McReight continued to impress, as did Jorgensen and Wright for at least knocking on the All Back door.
asserted
Jorgensen → continue → door
But our side needed a whole lot more than mere impressions.
asserted
side → need → impressions
It needed to defuse their bombs and blow up some our own, but could manage neither feat, until ...
Until, wouldn’t you know it?
uncertain
you → need → it
With five minutes to go, at long bloody last, Suaalii did what we wanted him to do – what he should be asked to do every kick-off – run through, leap high and get us the bloody ball!
asserted
he → go → ball
When they won the aerial battles, they scored.
asserted
they → win → battles
When we did, we scored.
asserted
we → do → ?
We just won bugger-all of those aerial battles.
asserted
We → win → battles
Their final try, with seconds on the clock, to take it to 50-19 just upped the agony.
asserted
try → take → agony
All up, as disappointing as it was, at least it is bloody clear what training should consist of this week.
asserted
training → consist → what
Tell ’em, coach Les Kiss:
“At least until Marky Mark gets here in a few weeks to take the marks, we need all of you, every day, all day, without fail, to practice the bloody high ball – otherwise we are wasting our time.
asserted
we → tell → time
And next week, the first bastard that calls out ‘YOURS!’ instead of ‘MINE!’ or makes no call at all, will be pulled from the field.
asserted
that → call → field
We simply cannot compete without that.
asserted
We → compete → that
You heard me.
asserted
You → hear → me
And I know I shouldn’t say a bad word in a family newspaper.
asserted
I → know → newspaper
But kids, on this occasion, no other word will do.
asserted
word → do → occasion
The Aporia
