The secret to a happier, longer-lasting marriage may involve much more than chemistry and compatibility.
uncertain
secret → last → chemistry
Recent research published in the journal Family Process found that improvements in communication and emotional safety were linked to greater relationship satisfaction.
asserted
improvements → publish → satisfaction
Maintaining that connection takes effort, particularly as couples settle into routines and begin to feel as though they already know everything about each other, according to Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., a board-certified sexologist, sex therapist and integrative relationship therapist in Los Angeles.
uncertain
they → maintain → Angeles
"Compatibility can feel different to different people at different times," she told Fox News Digital.
asserted
she → feel → Digital
"The relationship will go through developmental stages just like you do."
asserted
you → go → stages
From losing curiosity to avoiding difficult conversations, Nelson shared five common mistakes that can weaken a couple’s connection — and ways to avoid them.
asserted
that → lose → them
No. 1: Assuming you know everything about your partner
Losing curiosity about a partner can chip away at attraction over time, according to Nelson.
uncertain
Losing → assume → Nelson
"That’s how we fall in love, when someone's curious about us," she said. "When they come along and say, 'I'm so interested in you.
asserted
I → ’ → you
"We're attracted to something in the space in between us — not so much when it's sitting next to us on the couch every night, and so we tend to lose that curiosity.
asserted
we → attract → curiosity
While someone may feel they know everything about their partner — "what they like to eat, what they'd like to watch on TV, what they might like in bed" — those preferences can evolve over time, Nelson said.
uncertain
Nelson → feel → time
"Don't put your partner in a box," Nelson said, urging couples to stay curious and ask questions.
asserted
Nelson → put → questions
"Who are they becoming?
asserted
they → become → ?
What are they thinking?
asserted
they → think → What
What do they desire?
asserted
they → desire → What
The therapist suggested that losing curiosity about a partner can sometimes make attention from someone outside the relationship particularly appealing.
uncertain
attention → suggest → relationship
"That's why we have affairs, right?
asserted
we → have → affairs
Somebody comes along and they're fascinated by us," she said.
asserted
she → come → us
"We love that.
asserted
We → love → that
And it's why we pay a therapist, so someone will ask questions about us.
asserted
someone → pay → us
"
No. 2: Avoiding difficult conversations
Avoiding difficult conversations — and failing to pay attention to what goes unsaid — can create problems in a relationship, Nelson cautioned.
asserted
Nelson → avoid → relationship
"Pay attention to what you're not talking about and why," she advised.
asserted
she → pay → what
When it comes to relationship problems, couples who avoid conflict may be more vulnerable than those who openly disagree.
uncertain
who → come → those
"It's not the people who fight and communicate all the time — it's the people who aren't fighting, aren't arguing, aren't communicating," the expert said.
asserted
expert → fight → ?
Nelson encouraged couples to notice which topics make them pull back or shut down during conflict — such as money or sex — and instead make an effort to lean into those difficult discussions.
asserted
them → encourage → discussions
"You're probably avoiding it because you don't want to get into a conflict, which is totally legitimate, but maybe pay attention to those spaces where there could be more room for communicating," she advised.
uncertain
she → avoid → spaces
No. 3: Focusing on what’s wrong with your sex life
When couples talk about sex, focusing on complaints rather than what is working can make intimacy more difficult, according to Nelson.
uncertain
intimacy → focus → Nelson
"The key here is not to talk about what's not working or what your partner's not doing, or why you’re not doing it more often," she said.
asserted
she → talk → it
The "magic formula," Nelson said, is for partners to share what they like and what is working.
asserted
what → say → what
"The key to the universe is, you get more of what you would appreciate," she said.
asserted
she → get → what
"If you point out how your partner is not acting the way you want, then you're in conflict, you're defensive, you feel bad about yourself.
asserted
you → point → yourself
That's not going to help, it’s not very sexy."
asserted
it → go → ?
"Expand on what’s already working."
Instead, she recommends focusing on the positive by telling a partner what they've liked about their sex life, whether it is something happening now or a meaningful experience from years ago.
asserted
it → expand → life
"Whether you’re a new couple or you've been together forever, start with something you appreciate, and then something that you would like more of," she suggested.
uncertain
she → ’re → more
"Expand on what’s already working."
No. 4: Getting stuck in ‘maintenance mode’
asserted
what → expand → mode
Another potential mistake is allowing the everyday responsibilities of life to crowd out opportunities for growth and excitement.
asserted
responsibilities → allow → growth
Nelson encouraged couples to consider whether their relationship is primarily in "maintenance mode" or "expansion mode."
Maintenance mode involves managing the everyday responsibilities of a shared life, which Nelson said is essential.
"
asserted
Nelson → encourage → life
You know, we need to pay the bills.
asserted
we → know → bills
We need to make sure the air conditioner is working," she said.
asserted
she → need → ?
"We need maintenance in a relationship, just like you need maintenance at a job or just in life, but you also need expansion."
asserted
you → need → expansion
Expansion mode, meanwhile, involves trying new things together and finding ways to keep the relationship exciting.
asserted
mode → involve → relationship
…and 10 more, not listed.
The Aporia
