I’m currently on parental leave, 39 weeks pregnant, and the question I’m asked most by friends and family is: “How are you coping with all the moths?”
asserted
you → ’m → moths
It’s a fairly obscure thing to be known for, but even people I haven’t heard from in ages are checking on me given the current infestation of literally millions of migrating moths.
asserted
I → ’ → moths
Pregnancy cravings being what they are, I was at the shopping centre earlier, waiting to get on an escalator with a crowd of people in front of me, seemingly oblivious to the absolute horror unfolding above their heads.
Moths.
asserted
I → wait → heads
I tried to flee by squeezing past the people in front of me.
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I → try → me
Anyone who has ever seen a woman at 39 weeks pregnant will appreciate the absurdity of this manoeuvre.
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who → see → manoeuvre
My fear dates back to the last great moth event in Sydney, sometime around 2013, when WFH hadn’t been invented and I was catching the train into the city every day.
asserted
I → date → city
I was trapped in a carriage with what felt like hundreds of moths clinging to the windows, ceilings and every available surface.
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what → trap → windows
Every other passenger just seemed to be getting on with their commute, except the moths, of course, who had been blown into the trains on their way to the alps.
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who → seem → alps
That’s the thing that concerns me about moths.
asserted
that → ’ → moths
How can they simultaneously make a 1000-kilometre seasonal migration using celestial navigation but, when they come face-to-face with a human, they lose all sense of direction?
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they → make → direction
A spider generally runs straight lines.
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spider → run → lines
You can see it coming.
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it → see → ?
You can make a plan.
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You → make → plan
Derailed moths operate with the navigational competence of a drunk person on a dodgem car.
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moths → operate → car
They flap wildly, ricochet off walls and at any moment can launch themselves directly into your face.
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They → flap → face
I’ve since discovered my particular affliction has a name: mottephobia.
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affliction → discover → name
Apparently, it’s often linked to their unpredictable flight patterns, fluttering sounds and dusty, powdery appearance.
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it → link → patterns
The fact they’re nocturnal only makes things worse.
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things → ’re → ?
There’s something particularly unsettling about trying to fall asleep knowing one could be lurking in the shadows, waiting to launch itself at your face.
uncertain
one → ’ → face
Of course, humans have managed to develop irrational fears of just about everything.
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humans → manage → everything
There’s koumpounophobia – a fear of buttons, trypophobia – an aversion to clusters of small holes, and even anatidaephobia – the supposed fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you.
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duck → ’ → you
I suppose that’s the thing about irrational fears.
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that → suppose → fears
You can understand perfectly well that something poses no real threat and still have your entire nervous system behave as though you’re about to die.
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you → understand → threat
Knowing it’s ridiculous doesn’t make it any less terrifying.
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it → know → ?
In my case, it doesn’t help that my cousin once had a moth burrow into his ear while he was sleeping.
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he → help → ear
Most people have a friend-of-a-friend horror story.
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people → have → story
I have an actual family member.
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I → have → member
I’m fortunate to live with a man who has no fear of moths.
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who → ’m → moths
Inexplicably, he catches them with his bare hands and gently releases them outside while I stand at a safe distance wondering what I’ll do if our child inherits my irrational fear.
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child → catch → fear
I’m sure there are other evolutionary explanations for why we chose each other, but right now it’s the thing I admire about him most.
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I → ’m → him
Our poor dog has also become a casualty of my paranoia.
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dog → become → paranoia
Usually free to wander in and out of the house, Winnie is now subjected to a strict one-in-one-out policy, with me yelling at her to hurry up before a moth slips through the door.
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moth → wander → door
We’ve also taken to sitting in the dark at night to avoid attracting them.
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We → take → them
A perfectly normal way for two adults to live.
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adults → live → ?
And every time I hear the unmistakable thud of one of their thick little bodies hitting the glass, I shudder, then immediately check which side of the window it’s on.
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it → hear → window
I know bogong moths are extraordinary creatures.
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moths → know → ?
I know they’re endangered.
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they → know → ?
I know they travel enormous distances across the country, navigating by the stars, and that the critically endangered mountain pygmy possums depend on them for food.
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possums → know → food
I genuinely want them to survive.
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them → want → ?
I want the pygmy possums to eat.
asserted
possums → want → ?
…and 6 more, not listed.
The Aporia
