It’s not often you hear former prime minister Tony Abbott admit to being to the left of anyone.
asserted
Abbott → ’ → anyone
But after a gentle push from our colleague Peter FitzSimons at his annual Cauliflower Club charity lunch on Friday, Abbott quietly conceded he was to the left of his former Coalition colleague, Barnaby Joyce.
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he → concede → colleague
Former New Zealand prime minister Dame Jacinda Ardern was asked whether she considered herself aligned with, to the left, or to the right of former prime minister Julia Gillard.
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herself → ask → Gillard
To the left, she said, sounding a little less squeamish than Abbott had just moments earlier.
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Abbott → say → left
Ardern and Abbott were the unlikely pairing billed among the headline guests of the Cauliflower Club’s annual rugby charity lunch, held at the Fullerton Hotel to raise money for equipment for those with disabilities and sports-related injuries.
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Ardern → bill → disabilities
In their remarks, Ardern toasted the game’s forwards; Abbott, the backs.
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Ardern → toast → forwards
It was the former New Zealand prime minister, though, who won the room.
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who → win → room
“Since resigning as New Zealand’s prime minister in 2023, I have done my best to stay out of the fray.
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I → resign → fray
And so, to be honest, Peter, at first I was unsure why you were asking me to speak today.
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you → ask → me
But when you said ‘I won’t let the club be lectured by that man’ it all became a little clearer,” Ardern told the room, to a roar of laughter.
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Ardern → say → laughter
“Kia ora, Tony, Julia Gillard sends her regards.
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Gillard → send → regards
She didn’t stop there.
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She → stop → ?
Ardern said that, before her address, she had thought about where her former profession might fit in on the rugby field.
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profession → say → field
She joked about taking a straw poll before her appearance, which heard backs described as stars of the game, who seek the limelight and get all the glory for less of the work.
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who → joke → work
“And simply put, the whole concept of kicking for touch, or ‘not holding the hose, mate’, is not something I’m familiar with in my profession,” Ardern quipped.
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Ardern → put → profession
“No, the only thing I find personally relatable when it comes to backs is the pain one suffers from having to stand in front of a podium, especially when the knives come out.
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knives → find → podium
Oh Tony, that reminds me, Malcolm [Turnbull] and Scott [Morrison] also send their regards.
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Malcolm → remind → regards
”
The forwards, Ardern went on, are the game’s unsung heroes.
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Ardern → go → ?
It was only fitting that there were a number of current and former Wallabies greats in the room to hear all of this, including Senator David Pocock, as well as Richie McCaw, the most-capped All Black in history.
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It → be → history
All in, we’re told the event raised about $150,000, much of which is set to go to a Venue Go R5 ultrasound system for the trauma service at Royal North Shore Hospital, the statewide referral centre for acute spinal cord injuries in NSW.
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much → tell → NSW
One Nation stalks Minns
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Nation → stalk → Minns
It was only last week that One Nation’s unelected candidate for Cessnock and NSW leader Mike Newman was sizing up the opposition’s advisors’ box on a tour of the state parliament.
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candidate → size → parliament
But it looks like that stunt, which got Newman kicked out of the chamber, offered us only a flavour of the antics in store between now and when voters go to the polls for March’s state election.
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voters → look → election
How else to interpret One Nation setting up state party headquarters in the electorate of Kogarah?
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Nation → interpret → Kogarah
The electorate is held by none other than Premier Chris Minns, whose electorate office is now just an eight-minute drive away from One Nation HQ.
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office → hold → HQ
We tried asking the party on Sunday what was so appealing about the location, and whether Newman himself would be based there, an hours-long commute from the voters he’s trying to win over.
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he → ask → voters
“Our headquarters have operated from that location for some time under a temporary arrangement,” a One Nation spokeswoman told CBD.
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spokeswoman → operate → CBD
“Mr Newman will continue to be based in Cessnock.”
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Newman → continue → Cessnock
BRS the Instagram model
Accused war criminal Ben Roberts-Smith can add small business owner and Instagram multihyphenate to his curriculum vitae.
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criminal → accuse → vitae
The former SAS soldier, who lost a last-ditch bid to appeal against his defamation loss to Nine Entertainment – owner of this masthead – last year, has started his own brand, named after his former military callsign, “Epic 1 Two”.
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who → lose → callsign
The brand was launched with a sizzle reel picturing Roberts-Smith walking along a beach, pumping iron and overlaid with media commentary, replete with earnest hashtags.
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Smith → launch → hashtags
In a later post to peddle his wares, BRS used a now-famous front-page photo of him, shot through the car window, with AC/DC’s Jailbreak as the soundtrack.
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BRS → peddle → soundtrack
News24 personality Peta Credlin was quick to leave a comment of approval.
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Credlin → leave → approval
“Finally. “, she posted over the weekend.
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she → post → weekend
The boxer Danny Green also thanked the accused war criminal for his service.
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boxer → thank → service
There are now a bunch of T-shirts up for sale, a hoody, and a couple of caps, all modelled by the man himself.
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all → be → man
But it was one dubbed the “Spirit of Australia” which caught our eye.
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which → dub → eye
Emblazoned across the front of the T-shirt is a photograph of Roberts-Smith at the airport on the day of his arrest for five counts of war crime – murder.
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photograph → emblazon → crime
Those legal bills aren’t going to pay themselves, we guess.
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we → go → themselves
The Aporia
