If you looked at Rex v Russell Edward Brand objectively there was a challenging prosecution case, there was barely a defence and, crucially, there was little in the way of actual evidence.
asserted
you → look → evidence
What were we all doing here in Southwark Crown Court, sifting through the remains of the days when, by his own admission, Brand was a wild-haired, promiscuous gadabout; a priapic gonk in guyliner who had ruthlessly used his celebrity to facilitate sex and 'dedicated a lot of my life to what seems now beyond-reckless philandering and idiocy'?
asserted
what → do → philandering
He faced three charges of rape, three of sexual assault and one of attempted indecent assault, all of which took place between 17 and 27 years ago.
asserted
all → face → place
One of the more serious charges left a victim bleeding and in pain; the most minor was an arm-pulling incident that lasted for 20 seconds.
asserted
that → leave → seconds
Brand's defence barrister Ian Winter KC, a man who seemed perpetually on the brink of utter fury, barked that the time-lapse made the case almost impossible to litigate, and one could see his struggle.
uncertain
one → seem → struggle
Effective chronology was lost in the churn of the decades.
asserted
chronology → lose → decades
Key details were forgotten by both the defendant and the complainants, who can only be referred to outside the court as anonymous numbers.
asserted
who → forget → numbers
'He just changed suddenly from camp, friendly and effeminate to monster-like,' said Complainant One.
asserted
Complainant → change → camp
'You treated me like an animal,' wrote Complainant Five to Brand.
asserted
Complainant → treat → Brand
'I felt like my innocence had been taken,' said Complainant Three.
asserted
Complainant → feel → ?
In the three and a bit weeks it took the case to conclude, Russell Brand seemed to age a thousand years, Jan Moir writes
Brand's usual exuberance melted away under sober examining of Riel Karmy-Jones KC for the prosecution
For the prosecution, Riel Karmy-Jones KC told of how the women had their peace of mind menaced by these events of yesteryear, of how they had been 'haunted' by what they alleged Brand did to them.
asserted
Brand → take → them
In a voice as crisp as a starched napkin, she said they had 'nothing to gain' by coming forward, except perhaps 'some closure'.
asserted
they → say → closure
Their testimony was convincing and persuasive but one wondered if it would really be enough to convict a powerful man of one of the most serious charges in British law.
asserted
it → wonder → law
And perhaps it says more than it should that the trial was expected to last for six to ten weeks but was over in just over three.
asserted
trial → say → three
In the end it took the jury of eight men and four women two days of deliberations to find Brand guilty of one count of rape and three counts of sexual assault, and not guilty of two other rape charges and one count of attempted indecent assault.
asserted
Brand → take → assault
The pattern of behaviour had been established.
asserted
pattern → establish → behaviour
The verdicts don't necessarily mean that some women were believed while others were not, more that their allegations could not be proved beyond reasonable doubt.
uncertain
allegations → mean → doubt
It boils down to his word against theirs, memory versus lechery, salvation gained and reputation lost.
asserted
reputation → boil → lechery
There were few witnesses to these grisly events that took place in a celebrity landscape of backstage areas, television stations and video studios, then onto bedrooms and bedsits, toilets and cars, all of them soundtracked by the wheedling exhortations of a man – a 'highly fanciable man', according to his KC – who believed that he had 'a birthright to an orgasm'.
uncertain
he → be → orgasm
Perhaps the most astonishing scenes in the trial came when Brand gave his evidence.
asserted
Brand → come → evidence
Under oath on the witness stand, he initially appeared to be in his element.
asserted
he → appear → element
For over two weeks the comedian slash actor turned guru cum preacher had been sitting in Court 3 behind the glass wall of the dock, as mute and helpless as a scientific specimen under a microscope slide.
asserted
comedian → turn → slide
Brand's wife Laura Gallacher slumped in the public gallery after hearing the guilty verdicts
Photographers clamour to get a picture of Brand as he is carted away in a prison van
Now here he was, stepping back into the warm embrace of the spotlight, ready for his close-up, keen to have his voice heard.
asserted
voice → slump → close
He started off strong, with plenty of flourish and swagger.
asserted
He → start → flourish
Questioned by his own barrister, he bellowed back replies while my-lord-ing-it this and my-lord-ing-it that to the judge, Mr Justice Bennathan, sitting to his right.
asserted
lord → question → right
Close your eyes and it could have been Brian Blessed roaring away, albeit with an estuary vibrato and a top note of whiny martyrdom.
uncertain
Blessed → close → martyrdom
It wasn't long before Brand started tossing around his usual word salads – using terms such as 'vivacious', 'lithe', 'badinage' and so on – a tactic so loquacious that he even used the word 'loquacious'.
asserted
he → start → word
With his hands clasped behind his back or sometimes in his pockets, he had the air of a man on a roll, a man who thought things were looking pretty damned good.
asserted
things → clasp → roll
Yet the second Ms Karmy-Jones stood up to cross examine him, everything changed.
asserted
everything → stand → him
Asked the first question, 'You blame the media, don't you?', Brand seemed to fall apart, to mentally collapse as some kind of inner panic engulfed him.
asserted
kind → ask → him
'Is that a difficult question?' she asked, as the tense silence continued.
asserted
silence → ask → ?
'In some ways,' he replied, meek as a mouse.
asserted
he → reply → mouse
Although Brand rallied, more excruciating silences followed, each one a cannonball through his carefully constructed ramparts.
asserted
one → rally → ramparts
Each one evidence of the cognitive dissonance of a man who is buckling under the pressure of lying; a man who cannot supply the answer and whose ego cannot accept his own failing.
asserted
ego → buckle → failing
Brand stands while listening to Judge Mr Justice Bennathan at Southwark Crown Court, London, as he is found guilty of raping one of his fans and sexually assaulting three women
Brand sits with his bible as he is interviewed by police in July 2025
It was oddly reminiscent of Brand's appearance on the Piers Morgan Uncensored television show this year, when the self-styled 'silver-tongued comedian' struggled for over 90 seconds to locate a specific Bible passage he claimed had comforted him at a previous hearing in this very courthouse.
asserted
he → stand → courthouse
He didn't know where to look, in more ways than one.
asserted
He → know → one
Brand's ever-loyal wife Laura Gallacher came with him to the trial nearly every day, dutifully by his side, always as calm and bland as a pail of fresh milk.
asserted
wife → come → milk
She would smile, hold his hand, sometimes give him a reassuring pat on the back when they entered the court complex.
asserted
they → smile → complex
If it is harrowing to sit in a public gallery and listen to accusations of your husband's penis being forced into mouths and down throats, of anal and oral rape, of torn rectums and genital exposure, then she did not show it.
asserted
she → sit → it
On day 11, giving her own evidence as a character witness for the father of her three children, Ms Gallacher said that Brand was 'caring, kind and a wonderful father'.
asserted
Brand → give → children
…and 51 more, not listed.
The Aporia
