Whenever there’s a celebrity crisis or people have been grubs or stupid (Luke Sayers – godsend), it’s a race between my friend Mia and me to see who can text one word fastest: “Cabo”.
asserted
who → ’ → word
It’s shorthand for Cabo Communications, the business we’ve been not-quite-joking about starting since forever.
asserted
we → ’ → Communications
It’s named after Jennifer Aniston’s signature Mexican holiday spot.
asserted
It → name → spot
Mia and I love photos of Jen there, in a black triangle bikini, and yearn to be her and be in Cabo.
asserted
Mia → love → Cabo
It signifies zero problems other than where the next tequila is coming from.
asserted
tequila → signify → where
That’s the point of Cabo – no worries.
asserted
That → ’ → Cabo
Which is what our imaginary business would do.
asserted
business → do → what
Hiring Cabo would be like having Matron Sloan from A Country Practice tell you straight how to get out of a tight spot or make people stop hating you.
asserted
people → hire → you
Plus there’s the qualification which trumps everything: we’re mums in our 50s who’ve handled every tricky situation going, from school WhatsApp politics to kids being cast as Tree Number Two and husbands announcing they’re off.
asserted
they → ’ → Number
We know pear-shaped.
asserted
We → know → ?
Whether Sydney Sweeney should have worn pants to sit on that cold basketball hoop?
asserted
Sweeney → wear → hoop
Cabo knows the biggest problem Meghan has (she’s embarrassing) and is expert at red carpet appraisals (“bad feathers – should have called Cabo”).
asserted
feathers → know → Cabo
While Cabo gives excellent advice, it doesn’t exist.
asserted
it → give → advice
Because Mia and I know the rule.
asserted
Mia → know → rule
Babies know the rule.
asserted
Babies → know → rule
You do not go into business with friends.
asserted
You → go → friends
It sits in life’s top 10 somewhere near “never cut a fringe while sad”.
asserted
It → sit → fringe
People defy it, but rarely without tears and permanent rents in the friendship fabric.
asserted
People → defy → fabric
I give you Frank Costanza and Kramer’s bust-up over the Manssiere bra for men.
asserted
I → give → men
It’s something Karl Stefanovic should have remembered when he launched his podcast this year.
asserted
he → ’ → podcast
Buoyed up, striding about in his skinny jeans and that hat, he went into business with Keshnee Ibrahim.
asserted
he → buoy → Ibrahim
She’s a former magazine editor and – cue tension music – a close friend of Karl’s wife, Jasmine.
asserted
She → ’ → wife
Eight months on, the podcast went dark for three weeks and the biz partners are wrangling in the Supreme Court.
asserted
partners → go → Court
According to reports, the former Today host blamed his podcast producer Ibrahim for his departure from the Nine Network after an interview with right-wing British agitator Tommy Robinson.
uncertain
host → accord → Robinson
He allegedly also gave Ibrahim one business day to set a price to buy her out.
uncertain
He → give → her
The lawyers, of course, will sort things out, but nobody can sort the rest.
asserted
nobody → sort → rest
What happens now to the former friends’ shared dinners and holidays?
asserted
What → happen → dinners
And what happens to Jasmine, now piggy in the middle between her husband and BFF?
asserted
what → happen → husband
Karl, because we love that you and Jasmine married in actual Cabo, Mia and I will tell you this for free: next time, don’t quit your $3 million day job.
asserted
Mia → love → job
Also, do not get a business partner you drink Aperol Spritz with on boats or are going to see at toff Christmas parties.
asserted
you → get → parties
Because friendship makes you gloss over the paperwork.
asserted
you → make → paperwork
Negotiating an exit clause with someone you really like feels like an insult, so you don’t.
asserted
you → negotiate → insult
Next minute, you’re wondering how much Sue Chrysanthou, SC, costs.
asserted
Chrysanthou → wonder → much
Money keeps score.
asserted
Money → keep → score
Suddenly, there’s a ledger: who worked on Sunday, whose name pulls in the clients, who’s lunching too long.
asserted
who → ’ → clients
Someone needs the income, the other is enjoying a lovely creative outlet.
asserted
other → need → outlet
Soon you’re wading in pools of resentment.
asserted
you → wad → resentment
Possibly worst of all, as Karl is finding, collateral damage can’t be contained.
uncertain
damage → find → all
A business divorce swallows up the group chat, mutual friends, the sharing of choppers to and from Derby Day.
asserted
divorce → swallow → Day
Which is awkward to admit because I’m on the cusp of launching a hot choc fudge business with my mate Deb.
asserted
I → admit → mate
…and 2 more, not listed.
The Aporia
