Anyone who’s known me for more than, say, 40 seconds, will probably know my thus-far unrealised dreams include taking Keith Urban to the disco, being a nan, having laser hair removal on my chin, and taking an adult gap year with a bursting money belt and no set route.
asserted
dreams → know → belt
Terrific as they are, they’re just the warm-up acts for my giant ambitious goal: living in a share house with the adult children and their partners and dogs and anyone who wants in.
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who → ’re → children
Becoming an empty nester five years ago was simultaneously one of my life’s greatest triumphs and tragedies.
asserted
Becoming → become → triumphs
I’m starting to think I’ll never be over it.
asserted
I → start → it
Still feels like a rat is eating my heart.
asserted
rat → feel → heart
Back in the mid-1980s, sitting in the backyard of a Carlton share house – smelling jasmine, hearing a screen door slam over the fence, half-cut on Coolibah – I’d yearn for something.
asserted
I → sit → something
Love that didn’t hurt, to know the answers, to be less rackety.
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that → hurt → answers
I could never quite name it.
uncertain
I → name → it
That level of yearning gut-punches me now when I see younger gym friends with toddlers clamped to their legs or mums buying school shoes for teenagers.
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I → punch → teenagers
I know you’re exhausted and this is annoying, but I’m jealous!”
asserted
I → know → ?
Bottom line: I want my kids back.
asserted
I → want → kids
I want another go, but with them improved in all ways since they packed their drum kits and cricket stuff and roller derby helmets and burned off to their own share houses.
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they → want → houses
That they were all out the door by age 20 had felt like a win.
asserted
were → feel → win
Tangible proof they were listening when their dad and I urged them to move out as soon as they could because they’d have the best time ever.
uncertain
they → listen → time
Proof we did our job as parents, which pretty much boils down to raising independent humans who are neither idiots nor assholes.
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who → boil → humans
Because once the first flush of being liberated from all the cooking and laundry was done, I didn’t actually want to march around in the nude that much or have evenings to myself.
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I → liberate → myself
What I wanted was their voices, the in-jokes, their ace friends, the community I’d birthed.
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I → want → What
So I fell on new figures that show the nest isn’t emptying like it used to.
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it → fall → figures
Almost half of Australians aged 18 to 29
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half → age → Australians
Parents are apparently in the gun for easily seven grand a year per lingering offspring in extra groceries, power, water and toilet paper.
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Parents → linger → groceries
If they can vote, they can pay their way.
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they → vote → way
The rest requires more drastic action.
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rest → require → action
Stage one: kids are kicked out slash leave home for their entire 20s.
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kids → kick → 20s
They have forever to make it.
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They → have → it
We need to stop doing their life admin and protecting them from close range.
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We → need → range
Keeping them at home during the decade when they should be ignoring the black mould in a share house bathroom to concentrate on how far their hospo earnings will stretch at Dan Murphy’s does them no favours.
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earnings → keep → favours
Nobody can learn about relationships, proper sex, how to cope in an emergency or 27 cunning ways with mince if Mum and Dad are in the next room asking if anyone has coloureds to be washed.
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anyone → learn → coloureds
Stage two: once they’re 30, they can come back.
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they → ’re → ?
Parents have had their Me Time, kids are now useful.
asserted
kids → have → Time
That’s my dream, getting the compound (inner-city, Euro appliances, multiple decks, I did say it’s a dream), then getting the band back together now they have jobs and true loves and can drive me places and make playlists and be gym and Perudo partners.
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they → ’ → playlists
In that Carlton backyard, I yearned for something I couldn’t name.
asserted
I → yearn → something
I wanted a house full of people I loved.
asserted
I → want → people
I got one.
asserted
I → get → one
I just didn’t know I’d have to give it back.
asserted
I → know → it
The Opinion newsletter is a weekly wrap of views that will challenge, champion and inform your own.
asserted
that → challenge → own
The Aporia
