As an undercover cop “Donny Wilson” wanted a hero’s death – anything to stop the pain that infected his real life.
asserted
that → want → life
In a perverse way, his desire to die kept him alive.
asserted
desire → die → him
With a shotgun pointed at his head and accused of being an undercover agent, his reckless response convinced the gunman he was clean.
asserted
he → point → gunman
“You’re right, I’m a cop.
asserted
I → ’re → ?
Now do your end and kill me, you coward,” Wilson yelled back in a potentially fatal game of brinkmanship.
asserted
Wilson → do → brinkmanship
The bikies who surrounded him burst out laughing.
asserted
who → surround → him
He had won this round of Russian roulette.
asserted
He → win → roulette
A less convincing response would have led him to be searched and the discovery of the secret body wire that would confirm the truth and seal his fate.
asserted
that → lead → fate
Now clear of the fog, the real Donny Wilson, Queensland police officer Todd Maguire, admits as an undercover he was looking for the reverse of suicide by cop – death by crooks.
asserted
he → admit → crooks
“I can’t ever remember thinking that but looking back, that’s what I was doing,” he says.
asserted
he → remember → what
It wasn’t the job that led him to the cliff (more of that later) but the suicide of his life partner, Karen, a death that still haunts him.
asserted
that → lead → him
Todd was having a day nap after night shift when Karen’s four-year-old son woke him saying he couldn’t find Mum.
asserted
he → have → Mum
Todd found her.
asserted
Todd → find → her
She had hanged herself.
asserted
She → hang → herself
Maguire was riddled with grief and guilt.
asserted
Maguire → riddle → grief
The cop who prided himself on reading people kept asking why he hadn’t seen the signs.
asserted
he → pride → signs
Later he would find her prescription antidepressant medication that made him doubt himself even more.
asserted
him → find → himself
Years earlier Maguire was a Brisbane lad, a handy rugby league player, who turned his talent for drinking and yarning into half a career, working in pubs and clubs until a session on the beers with a mate, an enthusiastic and persuasive Queensland policeman.
asserted
who → turn → mate
“I was in the hospitality business and was whinging to a mate about the long hours, and he suggested I join.
uncertain
I → whinge → hours
I said, ‘Why would I do that?
asserted
I → say → that
I don’t even like cops.’
asserted
I → like → cops
“After the fifth beer, I said ‘If you stop talking about it, I’ll apply’.”
asserted
I → say → it
The selling point was when his mate told him he would still be able to play football once in the job.
asserted
he → tell → job
(He did, representing Australia in international police games.)
asserted
He → represent → games
True to his word he applied and was accepted.
asserted
he → apply → word
“I never looked back.”
asserted
I → look → ?
A natural cop with physical strength, courage, the pub gift of talking angry people around, and a talent for catching crooks, he excelled until his world fell apart.
asserted
world → talk → crooks
That’s when he chose to lose himself in the world of undercover policing.
asserted
he → ’ → policing
“I was living in my sister’s garage and everything had gone to hell,” he says.
asserted
he → live → hell
The way back was to invent Donny Wilson – to be anyone but the grieving Todd Maguire.
asserted
way → invent → Maguire
The fact the mentally broken policeman managed to fake his way through a series of psychological tests to make the undercover course shows why he was a natural.
asserted
he → manage → course
If he could convince senior cops he was mentally fit he could convince crooks he was one of them.
uncertain
he → convince → them
“I now realise why I was drawn to that world so fiercely.
asserted
I → realise → world
It was a chance to disappear,” he writes in his raw memoir, Donny: An Undercover Cop With a Deathwish.
asserted
he → disappear → Deathwish
“Donny didn’t carry pain.
asserted
Donny → carry → pain
He didn’t love or grieve, or feel he was broken beyond repair.
asserted
he → love → repair
“Living undercover was as though Todd was slowly erasing himself – one lie, one beer, one job at a time.
asserted
Todd → live → time
And truthfully, that didn’t seem such a bad thing.”
asserted
that → seem → ?
When I asked him to describe the character he had become, Maguire naturally drifts into the third person.
asserted
Maguire → ask → person
“Donny was a happy man, hanging out with crooks, driving stolen cars and buying drugs and guns.
asserted
Donny → hang → drugs
…and 46 more, not listed.
The Aporia
