For parents following the case of a former Cornell student who alleges she was gang-raped at the Chi Phi house in October 2024, one question has been top of mind: Why did no one in the fraternity intervene?
asserted
one → follow → fraternity
In a lawsuit filed last month, a woman identified as Jane Doe said she was sexually assaulted by Chi Phi members while she was under the influence of several substances.
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she → file → substances
A screenshot of a group Snapchat between members, which was included in the lawsuit, showed one fraternity member saying there was “free p----” available upstairs where Jane Doe was.
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Doe → include → lawsuit
Cornell agrees to outside investigation in assault case
The fraternity chapter was subsequently barred from campus, but no one was criminally charged.
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one → agree → campus
Prosecutors have reopened a criminal investigation into the allegations.
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Prosecutors → reopen → allegations
As the case continues to draw national attention, parents online are sharing how they’re teaching their children to challenge the culture that allows sexual violence to persist.
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violence → continue → culture
Some have offered advice, suggesting parents pose questions to their kids like, “What have you heard about this story?” and “What questions do you have?”
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you → offer → questions
Others have posted candid conversations they’ve had with their kids about the case to help inspire others to do the same.
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they → post → same
“I’m parenting to help them become the kind of man who stops this from happening,” Brian Recker, a former pastor with over 450,000 followers on Instagram, said in a video earlier this week.
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Recker → parent → video
“It’s not enough to not rape somebody.
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It → ’ → somebody
Because what that girl could’ve really used that night and what she didn’t find was one good man,” Recker added.
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Recker → use → what
“One good man in that group chat who would have been willing to risk some social shame from his frat bros, who was willing to put her safety above the approval of men who would hurt her.
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who → risk → her
Recker told NBC News that he approaches the subject differently with his 9-year-old twins and his 11-year-old son.
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he → tell → twins
With his younger sons, he focuses on their own safety.
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he → focus → safety
But as his oldest enters middle school, Recker has asked him to consider what he would do if messages like those described in the Cornell case appeared in one of his group chats.
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messages → enter → chats
He views these types of conversations with his sons as a way to “plant seeds” that shape their approach to the world as they grow up.
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they → view → world
“It is so easy to just be silent and not want to rock the boat, especially if you think that that’s going to cause other boys, other men to look down on you,” he said.
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he → want → you
“But I do believe, especially in the early years, we have the opportunity to shape reality for them in some really important ways, and to let them know what kind of world they’re entering, and to prepare them.
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they → believe → them
”
But sexual assault can be an especially difficult topic to tackle with kids, particularly for parents who have their own trauma history, said Sumi Raghavan, a psychologist who was also among those sharing how they spoke to their kids about the Cornell case.
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they → tackle → case
Raghavan said she urges fellow parents to feel empowered to discuss tough topics, noting that some level of discomfort is normal when it comes to these conversations.
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it → say → conversations
Research links open parent-child communication with healthier relationships and safer decision-making.
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Research → link → relationships
Raghavan said that means that even as kids and teens begin to care more about their peers’ opinions than their parents’, they’re still likely to view their parents as anchors for major decisions.
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they → say → decisions
“One of the most powerful messages you’re sending when you’re willing to have these conversations is that you are a person who they can talk to, and you are demonstrating that you are unafraid of these topics,” she said.
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she → send → topics
Psychologist Becky Kennedy, the founder of parenting advice service Good Inside, had similar guidance — though she cautioned that parents should also be careful to not treat conversations with their kids as “checking off a box.”
Kids build emotional skills from the patterns they experience growing up.
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they → have → patterns
For example, learning to want something and be OK with not getting it, Kennedy said.
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Kennedy → learn → it
Often, parents want to say “no” to a child’s request but convince themselves to say “yes” due to fear of the child’s reaction.
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parents → want → reaction
“These are things that will play out for the rest of a boy’s life, and eventually, maybe in sexual situations,” she said.
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she → play → situations
“But those patterns are established over and over in everyday interactions.”
Read more NBC News coverage of the Cornell case:
- Cornell student’s 2024 statement to police reveals new details about the night she alleges she was raped
- Cornell rape allegation spotlights stringent New York state laws that have long drawn criticism
- District attorney defends past decision not to seek criminal charges in Cornell rape allegations
- Records give insight into how one Cornell student responded to rape accusation
Parents should also listen and try to understand when their child wants to say “no,” Kennedy said, rather than forging forward with a decision without considering why the child might be unwilling or uncomfortable.
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child → establish → decision
By doing the latter, she said, parents are unwittingly reinforcing the culture that makes it harder for kids to resist group pressure later in life.
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kids → do → life
Parents are bound to make mistakes, Kennedy said.
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Kennedy → bind → mistakes
But that shouldn’t keep them from trying to do things differently once they realize they want to change a pattern.
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they → keep → pattern
“It’s actually the whole thought that ‘it’s too late’ that stops us from acting differently in all of those situations,” Kennedy said.
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Kennedy → ’ → situations
“The best way to not repeat a pattern is to actually bring new information to your kid and say, ‘You know what?
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You → repeat → what
In my parenting, I feel like I’ve been doing something that I’m not proud of.
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I → feel → that
I learned something new.
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I → learn → something
Here’s what I want to do differently the next time.’
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I → ’ → what
”
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.
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you → know → 4673
The hotline, run by the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), can put you in contact with your local rape crisis center.
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hotline → run → center
You can also access RAINN’s online chat service at https://www.rainn.org/get-help.
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You → access → https://www.rainn.org/get-help
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